The Story of How I Died

Chapter 9: Bleach

I never heard from Haley and Dylan again. I was so happy and relieved. I see them in the hallways though. More things happened at home. Mom started yelling at me and said she doesn't care what happens to me or what I do. So I'm on my own. I wanted to shout at her "YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME ANYWAYS." I didn't though. I just let her get away with it. Every. Single. Time. 

I just wish people weren't so dramatic and stuff. I slowly begin to realize. I have no one. I have no one to trust anymore. Some of my friends have been excluding me. No one really hangs out with me. I'm all alone. I try to hold on to my friends but I just can't. I feel so alone. I  may not be alone but, I feel alone. So much. Every single day I just want to die. Just want to hang myself. Just want a quick painless death. I hated myself so much. No one hates me more than I hate me. It's true.

One of my friends said I should stop telling her about my shitty drama. And not drag her into my problems. I mean how could you say that to me? I'm your friend. I'm not dragging you into my problem, I'm telling you how I feel, and need advise, and telling you what's up in my life. That broke my heart and I cried in class. 

One day at rehearsal, Lily texted me and said Dylan was going to ask out Amy Macourt. My heart dropped into my stomach. I can tell the color was draining from my face.

I told my friend Jessie this when we weren't performing. I told her how I felt. My stomach was in knots. 

"Why am I feeling this way?" I ask Jessie with pain in my voice.

"I don't know. But you shouldn't." Jessie says.

"I know I shouldn't! I-I I shouldn't be feeling this way. He hurt me and.. I don't know.. I'm just being stupid. Something's wrong with me.." 

"He doesn't deserve you Isabelle. You should not be feeling this way at all! He hurt you. So bad." Jessie says. 

"I know. I know. I'm just being stupid. I don't know why I feel jealous. I just.. I just..." I couldn't finish my sentence. 

"I'm sorry Isabelle. There will be that one lucky guy for you."

"That'll be the day." I mutter.

"Besides Aidan might like you."

'Why the fuck would he like me?" I say in confusion.

"Well why wouldn't he? Your pretty, you have a great sense of humor, and your really nice."

"Awww thanks Jessie." I gave her a hug. 

"It's just... Dylan's been on my mind a lot. I should just forget him but.. I can't let him go. I'm sorry I'm just being stupid..." I shed a tear.

"I'm sorry.."

"Yeah thanks. I'm okay though." I lie.

"No your not. If I was in your spot I would not be okay. You have it worse than I do. What's going with your dad and mom and school and all... I don't expect you to be okay Isabelle." Jessie says.

I scoff. "Thanks." I force a fake smile on my face. That day was horrible. That day was not going well at all. I was so depressed and my friends were excluding me as usual and after rehearsal... Something happened. 

I was walking home and I called Alice. I told her that today was horrible. I told her I love her so much. She was confused why I was telling her this. I hung up.

I got home and went on Instagram. I posted a picture of myself and wrote a really long caption. The caption said;

Hi guys, this will be the last time I will be on Instagram and any social network. I just wanted to let you all know that I love you guys and I will never forget you. This has been a great year with you all and it has been fun. Although things happened and this is why I'm writing this and making this choice. Some of you or most of you may not care what happens to me, but I'm okay with that. I don't care anymore. For my whole life I cared too much on what other people thought of me. I don't care anymore. Anyways, I just wanted to let you that I will be gone.. For a while. See you on the other side.

Bye.

Without thinking I posted it and shut down my iPad. I grabbed a pen and paper and locked myself in the bathroom. I scribbled the whole story, why I am doing this, down on the paper. Every single detail that happened. No one can stop me now. I leave it next to the sink.

When I finished I open the cabinet under the sink and grabbed the big bottle of bleach, and drank it. The bleach was horrible. I felt like my lungs were on fire and bile was building up in the back of my throat. I threw up. I wanted to vomit more but I forced it all down, hoping I would die sooner. A high shriek came out and I fell to the ground whimpering. I drank more bleach to make the effect more quick. I rolled around on the ground in agony. I started coughing up blood. It was horrible and very painful. My body went limp and I screamed louder. I was alone in the house so no one can help me. I was about to scream more but instead blood mixed with bile came out. I had a hard time breathing and I drank a little more bleach, then bleach bottle rolled out of my hands and rolled across the bathroom floor. It was a slow and painful death. I started to hyperventilate. My body was trying to find air but I wouldn't let myself do it. I hated myself. I thought of all the guilt and loneliness I feel and the pain I caused people build up inside. My last thought was, what was wrong with me. I cried as I coughed more. I sobbed. Eventually I rolled on my back took a deep and shaky breath in and my body shut down.