A Believer: Smiling Again (Vol. 2)

Record 12: Inferiority

I do not feel comfortable today.  I don't know why?

I feel that there are eyes looking at me secretly.  Was being observed and measured. 

I don't know if whose at my side and whose not?

I talk to everbody but it seems that I am not belong. 

I think everybody is not showing their true self on me.  So I am careful and alert so that no one will fool at me again. 

Well in fact, it is just my inferiority..

It's not good,  I know.  But my anxiety attacks almost three to four times a day.  And it's hard for me to fight for it.  But.. I need to face it alone.  Because no one would be ever to understand me. 

God,  I know.. You are my only help. I'm sorry for all the things I've done wrong in your eyes.  Help me to get over from my past.  To forgive others and to forgive myself.

I don't like how I feel today.  I thought everybody was against me.  I feel accused and I don't know the reason.  Everybody was observing me.  Catching me if I do mistakes. And I hate it.  I don't know how true is my discernment but that's how I felt. 

Or it is just me..

My insecurities,  and my inferiority..

Lord I need you to help me right now.  It is not good..its affecting my life so much.  And I am already tired of it.  I want to be free from it.. I want to have a peaceful mind and life.

Worries had such a huge part in my life and I wanted to surrender it before you Lord.  I gave all the authority to you.  Come and restore me. 

Because I cannot hold on anymore. 

Please come and give meaning to my life..

I am sick of my situation.  Because of my anxiety.. My inferiority..

I wanted everything to be okay in my life..
Please Lord help me the soonest before I gave up..