Being With Her Is All I Ask

Chapter VII

I have now touched down in London. It's strange being back and the reality that my dad is gone still hasn't hit me. As I come out of arrivals I see Gemma and Kath who give me the tightest hugs. They both give me a look and I know that they're hurting just as much as I am.

There's this silence in the car that you could hear a pin if it dropped. Gemma is the first to break it. "Cazz, I don't even know what to say. He was like a dad to us as well. Teresa is waiting for you at the house. So we'll drop you off. If you want us to say just say the word." I just nod. I don't think I could speak even if I wanted to because my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Gemma pulls up to my house. It looks different yet the same. I hear barking and I come out the car and there's Logan. He jumps and cries so I give him the biggest hug and I start to cry too. "I know buddy, I'm going to miss him too. I know." As I get up I see Teresa who is in a wheelchair. I hug her delicately. "Frankie I'm so sorry." She says softly while tears roll down her eyes. "It's not your fault, it could have happened to anyone." I say reassuringly. I know this isn't anyone's fault. I just keep telling myself he's with mum and that I have two angels watching over me now.

As I start to push Teresa in the house. I nod at Kath and Gemma to signal them that it's ok for them to go. Teresa briefs me on everything that happened and the funeral arrangements. "You have to sign all of it. Your dad and I never made anything legal so your his next of Kin. Also Jerry wants to meet with you tomorrow."
I look at her quite puzzled. "Uncle Jerry? Why does he want to meet me?" She smiles at me weakly "Well he was your dads lawyer and he left a will. Angel will arrive tomorrow but Jerry wants all of us to sit down together for this."

I go up to my room. Exhausted. I try to sleep but I can't. So I walk around the house and into dads room and his scent still lingers in the room with a hint of Teresa. I pick up his pillow and smell it and as I press it on my face tears start to roll down my face. "I'm sorry dad, I should have come home to visit. I'm so so sorry. I love you." I ended up falling asleep in his bed. My eyes all puffy and red from all the crying. Every now and then I wake up and I feel like he's in the room with me, letting me know he's ok and that I'll be ok too. Eventually.