A Portrait Of Love (Lesbian Tale)

Chapter 20

“Hello Joanna” my mother said. My heart sank a thousand feet. Why was she here? Where did she come from? Surely, they wouldn’t release me to the woman who stood by as I was beaten. It took everything in me, not run back to my room and hide.

I stared blankly at her. Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe I was just having a nightmare of some sort.

“Joanna” my mom said. I stood there in total silence. What was I suppose to say? How did she get here? Was I really going home with her?

“Ok Joanna, here are your release forms, and it was a pleasure having you here at Springwood” Ingrid said handing me some papers.

I nodded at her. My mom picked up the baby car seat and headed for the door. I grabbed my bags, and followed behind her. I looked back at Ingrid, and begged her with my eyes to let me stay.

“Have a great life Ms. Humphrey” Ingrid said. There was no way I was going home with my mom. And what was up with her carrying that car seat? There was a baby in there but I couldn’t see her or him because of blankets. I sat down on a bench, and sat my bag down. And I sat there, I swore to whoever that I wasn’t moving. My mom didn’t notice I stopped following her till she was halfway to the car. She looked around quick, her eyes got big, she got scared for a moment. Then she saw me sitting there, and quickly rushed back over.

“Joanna come on, we need to get home” my mom said. Was she serious right now? After all the stuff she let me go through, and she suddenly expected me to just follow her off into the sunset.

“No” I said plainly.

“What do you mean no? Joanna please not today” my mom whined.

“No. I’m not going with you anywhere” I said.

My mom sat the baby car seat down, and sat beside me, and I quickly scooted away.

“Joanna look at me please” my mom said.

“No” I said looking in the opposite direction.

“Sweetheart please don’t be like this. Look ok I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about everything. I’ve been an awful mother lately, and I know it. I apologize to you dear. There aren’t any excuses for my behavior. I know but sweetheart I’m better. When I say I’m better, I’m really better now. I’ve been taking therapy, and I’ve been working on myself, and I know I’m better now. You just have to give me a chance, I promise you won’t regret it. I’ve changed for the better, and you ought to know it” my mom said. Right now, at this very moment, this very second, I wanted to go somewhere and die. I just had this unbelievable urge to lie down, and just die. I mean these last few months have been nothing but hell and hot water for me. I’ve lost everything. People kept stepping in and out my life like I was a freaking door. I lost my best friend, my mom, and suddenly they just all came back. Why? Did they come back in, just to leave again? I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to take that chance, I didn’t want to feel that pain anymore. It hurt when they left, and hurt even worse when they came back. And I’m so afraid that if I let my mom back in, she’ll just hurt me all over again. All this time I been dragged around, pushed and shoved. First people love me then they leave me, and come back, and do it all over again. I was sick and tired of it. I had had enough of everything. I had enough heartache. I felt enough pain. I been hurt enough. I didn’t need anymore, I didn’t need anymore of it. Before I knew it, I was in tears. The tears came running down my face, and there was no way I could stop them. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to let someone in, just to watch them leave. Now I was lost, I was confused. I wanted to trust my mom again, cause I missed her so much, but suppose she hadn’t changed. Suppose she’d just hurt me again too.