Swords of the Soul

Mother?

I remember her smile. It would be so hard to forget since it was so warm. I'm happy I have her. I wouldn't have known a mother without her. Mary was one of the kindest women I've ever met. She always kept me happy, even when things didn't seem like they'd go our way.
Is she okay?
Or did... did my dad get rid of her?
Heh, imposdible... how could a dead man get rid of a living human?
Oh... I'm sure he'd have his ways.

I looked at my friends list. Dealan was still alive.
A month had gone by since that day... he never replied to me when I tried sending a message. I sighed and finally decided to send him a letter, explaining some things. I closed my eyes abd began to write. As I did so, typing away at the floating screen, my subconscious slipped away into nothing, yet still something. I didn't notice, yet I did. Oh well...

Three years ago.

I didn't exactly have friends. I had before, but... they grew to dislike me. All of my IRL friends, that is.
Every day after school I would come home, say hello to my mother and father, and go boot up my computer. My online friends... they never left me. One of them was named something familiar. I couldn't remember what... but I eventually got to know them more and we talked more often. I was a smart kid for my age. Smart at coding and technology, programming, that sort of thing. Not many other things were my specialty, but I did alright in music.
That one friend eventually started getting on less and less, yet still kept in touch.
Until one day, they stopped.
I didn't log on for a while after that. Not until the Beta Testers for Sword Art Online were chosen.
I logged on the day my father asked if I wanted to be a Beta Tester, and I accepted. I logged onto the gane a few hours after that. As soon as I did, I got a notification for having in-game mail. I looked and it was from five minutes before. I opened it, and... it was that friend. I recall it like it was only a single second ago, it's still clear as day.

Are you going to be a Beta Tester for the new VRMMO game coming out?

I responded with yes, and they grew estatic.

Really?! Me too! Maybe I'll be able to find you...

I didn't know if my father and Akihiko Kayaba had allowed it to be online and connected for even Beta Testers yet, but I was happy nontheless.
I remember them completely now.
I may not remember their old name, but I remember the sweet boy who had became my friend. I remember his current name as it pains my heart to say it.

It was Diabel.

Two years ago.

My grandmother passed away. I didn't feel sad. Not that much. I did understand she had died, but it didn't sink in as much then. My mother comforted me, though, and kept me happy. My father kept her around because we clicked so well; we were like the best of friends. She... she was always there for me. And I tried to be there for her.

I stopped typing for a moment, hand hovering a few inches from the screen I stared at it, neon eyes flickering about. I thought about what to say next. My father words echoed through my head, my attempts to suppress them failing.

'My brave little girl. I know you'll set everything right.'

I closed my eyes, hand clenching into a fist instantly. After a moment, I gently relaxed my hand, and continued to type.

Diabel...

I typed.

Mother...

I typed.

Akihiko...

The name slipped through my mind, yet I still typed.

...

I suddenly felt cold.

Father.

One year ago.

My father came home less and less.  He continued staying at his work and helping progress the Nerv Gear and Aincrad projects with Akihiko by his side. I grew more and more lonely, longing for my father to hug and hold me. I waited so long... my mother, Mary, tried to help keep me happy, but even she knew she couldn't fill the place in my heart that needed my father's love. And she admitted it. Day after day, I waited. I grew... lonely. I stayed online more and didn't go out in the summer. Even in the summer, my father never came home. He wished me a happy birthday when it came around, but merely nothing more. My skin grew fair, my hair straightened out yet still remained slightly wavy. My eye color grew darker than it initially was, or maybe that's just what I thought. My mind started playing tricks on me due to staring at a screen my whole day and nearly night. And of course, my memory continued to worsen and recover and worsen, completely in a never ending cycle. If I was to forget... it would be like I had died. The me everyone knew and that knew them would be gone.
My father eventually came home, and upon seeing me, remained silent for many days and nights afterward.
I thought he had hated me; no longer loved me.
I began to cry one night. Cry about everything. I wanted to let go, in a way. I had become... nothing; just an image of my former self. A fading photograph slowly being covered in dust.
But nothing happened. My father made sure of that. He came into my room and held me close. As it turns out, he felt horrible for doing this to me. He couldn't look at me without feeling guilty or hurt.
He had turned me into an introvert, slightly.
He fixed everything that night by saying what he had been doing, talking about my mother, saying what she was like.
I had never met her.
But I had Mary.
But that didn't mean I didn't love hearing about my mother.
My father didn't let go, and, for the first time in a while, I saw him cry.

I leaned back onto my new bed, blinking my eyes. I stretched my arms up towards the roof, back cracking followed by a sigh of relaxation. I dropped my hands to my sides and smiled. I had forgotten something. I wasn't sure if I should be glad, but it felt good for some reason.

I had forgotten my own name.

I looked at the screen again and hit send. There. All finished.

My letter to Dealan.