Happiness?

Poem

I'm great, fine, spectacular. In a way
I relish every night, and I live every day.
I live, I laugh, I write, I sing,
I wonder what the new days will bring.

Then I get home, and I take off the mask.
The day, and almost impossible task,
is finally over, and so I lie down
and wait patiently for the day that I die.

I cry, I scream, I bawl, and sleep,
even though I have promises to keep.
I wait, and wonder, and cry some more,
And I ache and burn from my very core.

Then I'm not alone, and the mask reappears:
Out goes the grief, pain and all of the tears,
As I am a happy person, cheerful all the day.
A world full of rainbow, not one shade of grey.

Of course I'm not okay, I'm not fine,
no matter how much I seem to shine.
I don't even know why I feel this...
why my existence is one long, endless abyss.

But it is and will be, so I cling to life,
as one day I might slip and end it with a knife.
But I'm still here, no matter what my dreams might say,
and I hope that one day I will actually be okay.