All the Time in the World (English)

Chapter 10 - Black Storm

The car window, like many things in the 21st century, was controlled by a button. Pushing it on one side, the glass went down, on the other, it went up again.
Guy touched the button and the wind filled the car, ruffling his hair.
Never, not even when he had pursued the outlaws galloping with his horse, he had the feeling of going so fast. Of course it wasn't possible to drive a wagon at that speed, not even using the county's most valuable horses.
It was both terrifying and incredibly exciting at the same time.
Gisborne turned to look at Alicia, even more surprised to see that the woman was perfectly relaxed while driving the car.
"Is everything all right, Guy?"
"How long would it take to get to York with this vehicle?"
"About a couple of hours."
"It took almost a full day on horseback... Can this car go faster than this?"
"Yes, but not on this road. See that sign?"
"The round one with a number in the center?"
"Yes. That indicates the maximum speed you can go. If you exceed it, you risk having to pay a fine."
Guy let out a giggle and Alicia glanced at him.
"What's up?"
"I thought that the sheriff never had the idea of putting a limit to the speed of the horses, otherwise he would have done it for sure. You have no idea of the absurd laws he was able to invent in order to get more money from Nottingham's citizens."
"From what you told me, he had to be a horrible person."
Guy turned his gaze away, looking out of the window.
"He was a devil. He has destroyed too many lives."
"Yours too? He was the one who hurt you, wasn't he?"
"Especially mine."
Guy became silent, and Alicia regretted asking a question that saddened him. Fortunately, she thought, they had almost arrived.
She turned into a smaller road, and stopped the car in front of a group of buildings surrounded by greenery.
"Here we are," she said, stretching out a hand to unlock Gisborne's seatbelt. "Pull that handle and push the door to open it."
Guy fumbled a bit with the handle, but he managed to get off the car, and he looked around, sniffing the air.
"Is this a stable? Do you still have horses even if you don't need them anymore?"
Alicia smiled.
"They are no longer used as means of transport, but for fun and sport. Our hospital has an agreement with this stable and they organize hippotherapy programs."
"What?"
"Working with horses can be useful for many patients, to help them to find their own self-confidence, finding a mental and physical balance, and overcoming traumas of various kinds. I remembered it yesterday, when you told me that you found relaxing grooming your horse."
"That's why you brought me here? Because you eventually decided that I'm crazy?"
Alicia stared at him, surprised by his wounded expression, and she tried to touch his arm, but Guy flinched, angrily. His reaction didn't discourage her and Alicia put her hand on his shoulder, with determination.
"Don't be an idiot, now. If I brought you here it's exactly because I believe you."
Guy decided to look at her, frowning.
"What do you mean?"
"There are two possibilities, right? Or you've imagined everything, so you're really crazy and you need hippotherapy, or you're telling the truth and then you need it even more."
"I didn't lie to you, you saw the dagger!"
"I said that I believe you. That's why I brought you here. You've lost everything you owned, the people you knew, and each of the things and places you were familiar with. And you found yourself in a world that you must learn to know, even in the trivial details. Not to mention that you have been seriously injured and that you almost died. Then, from what you told me, even before all of this, your life has never been easy and you have both suffered and committed actions that have profoundly marked you. Am I wrong?"
Guy thought of Marian, of the red blood that had stained his fingers, and nodded without looking up from the ground.
That was an indelible mark, a stain that he could never wash in another eight centuries.
"No, you are not mistaken," he whispered.
"See? Anyone would have suffered a trauma even for just one of the things that happened to you, you are being even too brave. You are doing so much to adapt to this time, but you need to loosen the tension a bit or sooner or later you'll suffer a breakdown."
"So this would be my fair?" Guy asked, referring to Alicia's story of the night before.
"Something like that." Alicia squeezed his shoulder slightly before letting him go. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but I thought that you'd be curious to see the horses of the future."
Guy looked at her and he gave her a little smile.
"How are they like? I bet you found the way to make them fly. Or do they spit fire?"
Alicia chuckled.
"They're simple horses. Come on, shall we get inside?"

Guy walked down the central corridor of the stable, looking at the horses, each closed in their own stall. That had not changed much since his times: the equipment and the tacks were a bit different and they were made with different materials, but in the end there were not so many differences.
He turned to look at Alicia.
The doctor was talking to a man, probably the manager of that place, and Guy knew they were talking about him and of the reasons why he was there. He hoped that Alicia would only mention the accident without going too far into the details because he wouldn't bear to see the usual pitiful look even in the eyes of that stranger.
He looked away and looked back at the horses.
Their familiar presence was comforting, he had to admit it, and he wanted to go back riding, to finally do something that he knew and that he was good at.
Almost all of them were calm animals, even too much, he noticed, and he would never have chosen them for his stables, but they were obviously suitable for the purpose they were destined for.
No one of those horses would rear, or would throw their rider, but Guy knew that he would feel silly riding a beast suitable for an inexperienced child.
He went on down the corridor, stopping occasionally to scratch the muzzle of some of the horses, until he found himself in front of the stall of a black horse, completely different from the others.
The stallion was strong and lively, with his muscles flickering under the shiny black coat, as if he was waiting for nothing else but galloping. He resembled Guy's favorite, dark-coated stallion who had been his faithful companion until he was forced to flee Locksley after being declared outlawed by Prince John.
Guy reached out to the stallion's muzzle and the horse snorted, a little distrustful, before deciding to approach to sniff his fingers.
"Guy!"
Gisborne turned to hear Alicia's voice calling him and, a little bit reluctantly, he stepped away from the black horse to reach the woman and the stranger.
The man turned to him and held out his hand, looking into his eyes.
"My name is Connor Blake, I'm the manager of this center."
"Guy of Gisborne. But I bet that you already know."
The other nodded slightly.
"Dr. Little thinks that attending our facilities might help you. What do you think?"
Guy raised his eyebrows, a little surprised.
"Are you asking me? Does my opinion matter?"
Alicia gave him a worried look. She had thought that Guy would be thrilled to be able to interact with the horses, but since they had arrived at the stable, his mood had worsened and his attitude was surly, as if her idea had offended him somehow.
Connor Blake didn't look offended by Guy's sarcastic answer.
"You are the one who has to decide. If you don't care about horses, no one can force you to attend our center."
"I never said I don't care."
"So, do you want to try to ride one of them?"
"Why not?"
The man smiled and went near one of the stalls.
"Good idea. If it's the first time, I recommend choosing Rosie: she is very docile and she won't give you any trouble..."
"No. That one." Guy pointed at the black stallion. "I want to ride that one."
Connor Blake stared at him, bewildered.
"That's not one of our therapy horses. It's not suitable for a beginner."
"I won't ride one of those other nags. That one or nothing."
Guy crossed his arms with an obstinate attitude, and Alicia found herself grinning, amused.
"Connor, let him do it. I'll take the responsibility."

Guy took the horse out of the stall, leading him with the bridle and walking beside him. The animal pawed, impatient, and Guy stroked his neck to calm him down. That gesture, he realized, calmed the horse and at the same time relaxed him too.
For the first time, since he had reopened his eyes in a hospital bed, he was doing something familiar to him, moving without wondering whether he was wrong or if he was looking ridiculous.
The saddle and the tacks were a bit different from the ones he was used to, but everything else was the same, and if he closed his eyes, it wouldn't be hard to imagine he was walking along the road leading to Locksley instead of the large fenced meadow where they had told him to lead the horse.
Suddenly he remembered the incredibly vivid memory of a day, a few years earlier, when he was riding his horse, heading to Knighton to bring a gift to Marian.
That day Robin Hood hadn't shown up, the sheriff hadn't tormented him too much, and Guy for a while had felt happy and hopeful as he rode to meet the woman he loved.
And who I'll love forever.
Marian's memory was like the bite of a wolf, always lurking in his soul and ready to suddenly tear his heart apart.
Guy hurried to mount to send those painful thoughts away, and, without thinking too much, he hit the flanks of the horse with his heels, sending him into a gallop.
Connor Blake visibly winced and paled at the thought of a possible accident, while Alicia worried only for a moment before realizing that Gisborne knew exactly what he was doing and that she had never seen him so sure of himself.
The black stallion devoured the ground, lifting grass and splattering soil every time he hit the ground with the hooves, fast and powerful as a miniature storm and equally unstoppable.
Guy led him without the slightest effort and the horse obeyed his commands without hesitation, as if he'd known him forever. Gisborne leaned forward on the saddle and the horse accelerated his pace, increasing the speed again.
Alicia glanced at Connor Blake and laughed as she saw his astounded expression. She felt so excited and full of pride that she found tears in her eyes.
Much later, Guy stopped the horse to let him rest, and he unmounted, smiling, his face flushed after galloping so fast. The manager of the horse center, now confident that the black horse was in capable hands, had already returned to his office to warm himself up with a cup of hot tea.
"Maybe you were right," Guy said, coming to meet Alicia. "I didn't realize how much I had missed riding. Yet it hasn't been so long since the last time I did it... But it looks like a whole life."
Alicia hugged him impulsively, and Guy didn't pull back, holding her in his arms too.
"I'm glad you liked it, dear. I was afraid I had offended you."
Gisborne stepped back with a small sigh and gave a rueful look at her.
"I've been terribly rude earlier, wasn't I?"
Guy took the horse to his stall, leading him by the bridle, and Alicia followed him.
The doctor smiled at Guy, amused.
"A bit. But Connor will not resent it too much, he is used to deal with our most difficult patients."
Guy grinned as he began to groom the horse.
"And am I?"
"Difficult? Every once in a while, but you are usually a darling."
Gisborne looked at her.
"Darling? I think it's the first time anyone defines me like this. If Robin could hear you, he'd make fun of me for months." Guy said, amused, then he remembered that obviously Robin couldn't hear her because he had been dead for over eight centuries, and his smile faded.
He continued to brush the horse's mane, sadly.
Alicia touched his arm.
"You're missing them, right? You miss your loved ones."
Guy nodded.
"Yes. Maybe it's silly... After all I've been Robin's friend for just a short time, after a whole lifetime of hatred, Allan might haven't been killed if I hadn't ruined his life, and the others barely accepted me when I joined Robin's gang... My sister tried to kill me and Archer, the brother who I share with Robin, I had just met him... And yet I miss them. All of them."
"It's not silly, it's normal."
"If it were the opposite, if it was one of them to be here and not me, I doubt someone would be sad for me. Maybe Robin, though it would be stupid of him, but everyone else would probably be happy to know I've been dead for centuries and centuries."
"Why should they?"
"Because I deserve it."
Alicia looked at him. Guy had spoken quietly, perfectly convinced of his words.
"I don't believe it. From what I could see, you are a good person."
"Marian said the same thing to me."
"Wasn't it true?"
"I killed her. I ran her through with my sword because she told me she loved Robin Hood. Do you still believe I deserve forgiveness?"
Alicia winced, unable to find anything to answer.
Guy glanced at her, then he turned his gaze away, staring at the mane of the horse.
"What's up? Did you think I was a poor innocent to take care of? I have told you since the beginning that I don't deserve the miracle that has happened to me. I wasn't kidding and I didn't look for your compassion, it was the truth. Why do you think that in the books about Robin Hood, I am always the bad guy, the enemy to defeat without mercy? Because it's true: I am a murderer, and I should have been the one dead for eight centuries."
Alicia approached him and put a hand on his back. She felt him stiffening at her touch, but Guy didn't move away.
"Look at me."
Gisborne shook his head weakly, and Alicia took him by the arm, forcing him to turn.
"Do you think it's the first time I'm dealing with a murderer? I am a doctor, I take care of all the patients who come to my ward and not all of them are good people. But I think you are."
"Didn't you hear what I told you? I killed the woman I love."
"I heard it, and it's a terrible thing."
"So how can you say I'm a good person?!"
"Because I see how much pain and remorse you feel for what you have done."
Guy shook his head.
"It's not enough. I would give my life a thousand times to go back and change the past, but I can't. I killed her and I will never forgive myself."
"But Robin Hood did."
"Yeah, typical of Robin, always ready to do the noblest thing. I was proud to die fighting for him. While I was on the ground, dying, I hoped that my sacrifice would be enough to atone for my fault, that dying in the same way she had died, could somehow compensate for what I had done... But I'm here and she is still dead!"
Alicia took the brush from his hands and wrapped her hand around his wrist, guiding him to a bench near the black stallion's stall.
"Come on, let's sit for a few minutes."
Guy didn't object, but he sat heavily beside her, and took his face in his hands. Alicia put a hand on his back, massaging him slowly.
"Are you sorry that we saved you?"
Gisborne pondered her question for a moment.
"No. I don't want to die, even if I don't deserve to be alive. But every time I do something I like, every time I find myself smiling for some reason, then I think that Marian can no longer do it because of me. She won't be able to ride anymore, she won't taste new foods, she'll never see those vehicles that can fly or arrive to York in such a short time... She won't see her name printed on books about Robin or get angry when they describe her as a helpless girl... What did I do to deserve the future I denied to Marian? Why was I saved and everyone else weren't?"
"I don't think we'll ever find the answer to this question. But I can tell you that I'm glad you're alive." She took his hand and held it in hers, tenderly. "This hand has hurt people, and a lot, but it can do good things from now on."
"How? Riding horses and eating chocolate?"
"That too. You are alive, Guy, and this means that you will occasionally enjoy yourself, you will feel happy, you'll feel pleasure, even if you don't want. It's not for these things that you have to feel guilty: they are normal feelings, part of life. It's right that you feel remorse for your crimes, but to mortify yourself like this won't be useful to anyone. If you have done evil and repented for that, try to do good. Help those in need, change the lives of those who can't do it with their own strength."
"I think that Marian would agree with you, but how? In this time I have no power, no wealth to help the poor..."
"You don't need to be rich to do good. There are surely many things that you can do and I will help you to find them."
"Really?"
Alicia stroked his cheek.
"Yes, dear. Try to be serene and everything will be fine."
"It never happens. Ever since my father left for the war, everything went wrong. I kept repeating to myself that in time the situation would improve and every time I was wrong. Everything went worse, and every time I allowed myself to have some hope, I just ended up getting hurt when I fell into the dust."
"You were dying and time itself bent to save you. It seems to me that the situation has improved in this case, don't you think?"
"I guess so." Guy conceded, with the shadow of a smile.
"So let's keep it going. Live, appreciate the precious gift you have received, and don't torment yourself with remorse if you happen to feel happy. Rather, make sure that others can be happy because of you, don't you think it would be better?"
"When you speak like this, you remind me of my mother."
Guy had spoken affectionately, and Alicia smiled at him.
"She wouldn't want to see you so sad, I'm sure. And neither do I. Do you know, Guy? Seeing you ride a little while ago filled me with joy."
"Why?"
"Only a month ago you were lying on a table in the operating room and none of us was sure we could save you. At some point, I was pretty sure you would die during surgery, and even the next day we weren't sure that you would survive the wounds and the symptoms of aconite poisoning. But you did, you got better, and just a few minutes ago you were riding that stallion, full of life, strong and free, as if nothing and no one could stop you. For a doctor, this is the greatest joy."
"I owe you my life, Alicia."
"Not only to me, but yes, you are right. I saved your life and that's why I want you to live it in the best way. I don't want it to be a burden."
"What I did is a burden."
"What you did is the lowest point, you've already begun to climb back on your own and you will continue to do so. I will help you not to fall again."
The woman put an arm around his shoulders and Guy leaned on her with a sigh.
Alicia pressed her lips on his cheek, then she looked at him, smiling.
"Then, can I tell Connor that we'll be back again?"
Guy nodded, too moved to speak, and the doctor rose from the bench, cheerfully.
"Good, great choice. Now do you feel like eating something?"
"I think it's a good idea." Guy approved. Riding had made him feel hungry, and although he was a little sore for riding after such a long time spent in bed and resting, he was feeling well.
"Then if you're not too tired, you might have the opportunity to make two persons happy."
"Who? And how?"
"Do you think you can come to the castle? Or are there too many painful memories in that place?"
"It's not a problem. Why?"
"The guardian of the museum and one of the archaeologists who are working in the crypt would like to see you, to talk to you."
"Why?"
"They are the two men who have found you and rescued you. They wanted to come to the hospital to meet you, but so far they didn't have the opportunity and then they were afraid of disturbing you. But I know that Peter can't wait to talk to you about the life of the twelfth century, to confirm some of his theories, and I think that Jonathan really wants to know how Robin Hood was like."
"Do they know where I come from? And do they believe it?"
"When I went to look for the dagger, I asked for their help. I don't know what they believe, but I know they would be very happy to meet you. Do you think you can do it?"
"They didn't pull back when I was dead, if they want to talk to me it seems the least I can do to thank them. They'll probably end up thinking that I'm crazy or a liar, but it doesn't matter, I'm still in debt with them."
"See? I told you that you are a darling," Alicia said with a laugh. "But come now, let's go to eat. How much fearless do you feel today?"
"What do you mean with 'fearless'?"
"I know that today is the first time you leave the hospital, and I don't want you to feel under pressure, but I'd like to take you to lunch in a restaurant near the castle. Maybe you're not ready for it yet, and there may be too much confusion, but..."
"Alicia," Guy interrupted her, amused, "are you afraid that an inn can be too loud for me? Surely it can't be worse than the taverns of my Nottingham."