SHE GOT AWAY

⁰²⁴ [ INTERLUDE ❺ ]

jiho—jiho, where—where—

eyes widening and heart on my mouth, my body found it suddenly hard to breathe once my eyes trailed on the far right corner of the street.

prickling. an invisible crack seemed to start at the edge of my heart and the pain was unbearable. hand reaching out to hold the cloth on top of my chest, the emotions of fluttering pain seemed to erupt and it's making me so so confused.

she, once again – once again, jiho was wrapped in the protective arms of kim taehyung.

cracking. biting the insides of my cheek once more, an unknown surge of inexplicable feelings started to choke my throat. it suddenly felt as if thorns were growing inside of my body, tearing me inside out – why? why?

body pressed against each other, jiho tightly held taehyung's large back as she rested her head on his shoulder as a piece of cloth was draped on her trembling body, all i could ever do was watch breathlessly as the scene unfold in my eyes. why? why is it that it hurts this way? gaze lingering on the floor, all i could ever do was wait as i stood frozen, my feet glued on the ground.

i feel that if i broke the way they held each other, i would trespass in their world.

is this what i get for being always late? but, do i have the right to feel this way? am i not over with jiho? we're about to get divorced and this is pity. everything is just pity – the way my heart churned, the way i find it hard so breathe and the way my eyes couldn't stop pooling with tears . . . this is only guilt and pity, nothing more and nothing less.

this is nothing but pity, right?

seeing the way taehyung held her close, i couldn't help but think that i used to be her safe haven. when things were rough, i used to be the one who could calm her as if the only thing she belonged to was in my arms. i used to be her happy pill – used to be the source of her happiness but, why?

why am i thinking of these things?

i don't love her anymore, right?

right?

tears had stopped flowing on my cheeks and my heart felt so heavy, "you lead the way and i'll follow your car behind" once taehyung finally took notice of my presence, i found that he was now protectively carrying jiho on his arms and jiho in return tightly clung to the man in her sleep. i used to be the one who held her that way.

"i don't have my car with me" it got towed and i could care less on what happened.

"then, suck it up. take my lift cause i ain't leaving until i know jiho's home" wanting to protest, i almost opened my mouth to argue. give me my wife, you're no longer needed and who the fuck are you to demand— "why should we—"

"try and oppose me and i'll fucking let the whole goddamn world know how fucked up you are." is he threatening me? at that statement, i felt his anger drip unto me as our piercing gazes met, his had an intent of killing, "i've had enough of you, jeon jeongguk and if it only just fucking because of jiho – i'd have you out of the picture"

"i—" cutting me once more. "you think you're already forgiven just because you're here? well, fuck you, cause you're damn wrong. because of you – this fragile angel—" taehyung's voice wavered, tightening her embrace on the woman on her arms, "—i can't start how much i fucking hate you"

too tired and knowing it was futile to fight because it was me who's at fault, i kept my mouth shut and took the lift. taehyung sat jiho on the passenger seat and i would be lying if i said that it didn't bother me the way he held jiho's hand even in her sleep – cause i am sure as hell throwing spears in the back of my head. seeing a stranger— a man carrying your own wife inside your own home took a lot of ounce of patience and self-restraint. it took a lot of self-control to not beat kim fucking taehyung inside my own house as i watch how he carefully placed jiho in my own bed. how dare he, how dare he mock me.

"i'll have you out of the picture—" eyes averting its gaze, i tried so hard to control myself and to add up with the headache, why won't those words stop pestering me? can't this day get any better?

biting the insides of my cheeks, this is just all so much to handle. everything's just hurting and i don't know what to feel anymore, i am getting confused. i fucked up in saving her. i fucked up in having jin taste my wrath for blackmailing jiho. i fucked up as the man of this house. i—

"rest, jiho"

"don't—don't leave me" eyes widening and gaze immediately flickering on our bed, jiho's eyes were open as she clutch taehyung's hand, trembling. "i'm—i'm scared"

as if on cue, i couldn't help but walk away. she—she used to do that to me, used to seek for my attention when she was scared, used to want me close, used to—need me.

why, just why does it hurt so much?

am i not the one who wanted the divorce?

guilt?

yes, yes. this is guilt. this just guilt. eyes trailing on the calendar, i noticed that it's only five more days. five days left and i'll be happy – i'll get what i want.

i'll be happy, right?