Martinez Twins Imagines

Sick // Ivan Martinez pt.2

Ivan

Eventually I was forced to leave the hospital despite the fact that I didn't want to let go of Y/N or lose sight of her, but I had to. Her lifeless body was eventually taken away, and she was gone.

I walked to my car in the parking lot, feeling as if I was walking through water. Everything seemed like it was in slow-motion. I had the purple gift bag in my hand as I opened my car door and stepped in, putting my hands on the steering wheel. I began driving but before I knew it, tears were spilling from my eyes and I couldn't see the road. I pulled over quickly and slammed my hands against the steering wheel.
"Why?" I screamed as I rested my head on the wheel and sobbed, not knowing what to do.

I grabbed my phone out of my hand and dialed Emilio's number, praying he would pick up.
"Hola?" he answered quickly.
"Emilio can you come pick me up?" I asked him, trying to control my tears. I didn't need to say anything, I think he already knew.
"Where are you?" he asked.
"Around the corner from the hospital, I can't drive," I replied.
"I'll be there soon," he said before we hung up. Until Emilio got to me, I just sat in my car crying, hoping that this was some sort of nightmare, that I would wake up and Y/N would be right there with me, holding my hand and kissing me. I missed her already, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. The world felt so dark and meaningless without her smile to brighten it up.

Emilio showed up next to me and I got out of the car and he instantly pulled me into the tightest hug ever. I cried into his shoulder and I heard a few sobs escape him as well.
"She's gone," I cried as I held him tighter.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Emilio said. 
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do this," I choked.
After standing there for probably too long, I got into his car and we drove home. He told me that someone would come get my car and drive it back at some point. I didn't care about my car at that point, nothing really mattered to me anymore.

When we got back to the house, everyone already knew what happened. No one knew what to say so I just got hugs from everyone, and everyone hugged each other. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was mine and everyone's best friend. She was the best person ever, why was she the one who had to be taken away? What did she ever do to deserve it?

"I miss her already," I mumbled, and everyone said they missed her already too. The next while in this house was going to be sad and dull, which isn't what Y/N would have wanted, but we didn't know how to handle it.
"It doesn't feel real," Emilio said, looking down at the floor.

I walked upstairs, and no one followed, knowing I needed to be alone right now. I walked into her room and sat on her bed, looking around, feeling as if I was in a dream. I pulled the pile of letters out of the purple bag, reading what was written on the first one.

'Open when I have crossed to the other side'

My hands shook as I opened the envelope, pulling out a piece of folded paper. It was written in purple pen, her favorite color. I didn't know if I was ready to read this, but I did it anyway, because she wanted me to.

Ivan, my sweet beautiful Ivan.
If you are reading this now, it means I'm gone. I have finally lost my long fight. I know it's unfair, and it's hard, but I promise things will get better. You will move on with your life, love other people, do fun things, go great places, and I'll still be with you every step of the way. I'm never gone Ivan, I'm always going to be right by your side, holding your hand and protecting you.

I just wanted to let you know, you are the person I loved most in this world. Going through this with you and everything before that showed me what real love feels like and what it's really about. I'm happy that is something I got to experience in my life. It may have been too short, but one of my greatest gifts was being able to love you and have you love me back. I will always love you, Ivan, don't forget that.

I'll miss our late nights drives listening to music in the car and singing off key, I'll miss our pj dance parties, watching our favorite movies together, playing board games for no reason. I'll miss holding you and kissing you, and I'll miss morning cuddles. I'll miss your laugh, your eyes, your soft hair, your warm hoodies I would always steal. You have given me the most amazing few years despite this asshole cancer, and I wish I could have spent much more time with you because we had so much left to do together.

But I don't want you to stop living. I want you to do new things, I still want you to sing at the top of your lungs, to laugh loud to love hard like you always did. Despite the pain you may feel, I know you can get through this, and I'll be with you every step of the way even if you can't see me. Live life to it's fullest, and appreciate everything you can.

You're my world Ivan. I love everything about you. The way you hold me when I'm sad or scared, the way you make me laugh like no one else. You've shown me true happiness despite pain, fear and sadness that always snuck its way in. I'm not a very good writer but I just want you to know I'll love you forever, and I thank you for everything.

You and me against the world, Ivan Martinez.
I love you forever and always.

Love,

Y/N

"I love you more"