Martinez Twins Imagines

Sick // Ivan Martinez

THIS ONE'S REALLY SAD WOW I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE
IT'S ALSO REALLY LONG SO ENJOY

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3 weeks to 3 months to live. That's all I had left. No more chemo options or medicine options, no more time for anything.

My cancer had relapsed, this time stronger than ever. There was nothing more I could do but wait. My life was now completely driven by death.

I would never get married, have kids, go to college, see the great wall of China. Everything I had hoped for and planned in my life was ripped away from me with one single sentence, '3 weeks to 3 months'.

I have been fighting for years and years, and now I know I will never win. My whole life has been taken away from me, and I am not ready for death, I have not done what I wanted to do. I don't want to leave behind everyone I love, I don't want to know what comes next.

3 months is the longest I'll be here, and I'm terrified.

***

Both Ivan and my mom were with me when we heard the news. We had hoped that the tests would come back clear and I would still be cancer free and be able to do basically anything I wanted now without having death always hovering over me, but that was not the case.

When we were told the news, Ivan squeezed my hand and my mother began to cry, thanking the doctor for all he had done up until this point. I would go home, and be put in hospice when I was too weak to do things on my own. After we all stood there not knowing what to say, my mother left the room to tell the rest of my family as well as give Ivan and I some time alone.

We stood there in silence for a moment, holding each others hands, not knowing what to say anymore.
"I'm gonna die, it's really happening," I whispered, barely even able to talk. I wanted to burst into tears but the news was such a shock I felt as though my body wouldn't let me. Ivan didn't say anything, just looked at me with tears filling his eyes as he pulled me into a warm embrace that I could never get sick of.
"Ivan I'm scared," I choke out, a tear finally streaming down my face.
"I know, baby, me too," he whispered.
"I'll be here every step of the way, like I always told you," he comforted.

We stood there hugging each other tightly and crying until my mom finally came back in the room and joined the group hug.

What's a girl supposed to do in maximum three months when that's all she has?

***

Ivan

Over the past few months, I have watched Y/N have ups and downs, but mostly, she has been getting weaker and weaker. My heart breaks a little more each day knowing she is nearing her end. I am not sure what I'm going to do without her.

She was the first girl I ever really loved, she taught me so much about love and living life to it's fullest but I don't know how I'm going to be able to live life to the fullest when she isn't living it with me. It was always supposed to be me and her against the world. This isn't what was supposed to happen, this isn't how we were supposed to end. The love of my life is slipping out of my hands, and there's nothing I can do to save her.

Everyone at the Team 10 house loved Y/N so much and had been visiting her almost everyday bringing gifts and balloons, and during the time I wasn't at the hospital with Y/N, they were always super supportive and comforting towards me about everything. It was strange to have everyone being so nice and not have anyone pranking me, but I appreciated it a lot, it made the thought of losing her a bit easier at times.

We were lying together in her hospital bed watching TV on the tiny hospital screen as she rested her head on my chest and played with my hands and traced patterns on my chest. She had gotten her nails done and they were long and black, shining in the dim light of her hospital room.
"I love you so much," she mumbled. She had lost a lot of weight and she looked very tired and weak. She had been sleeping a lot lately and her skin has gotten colder, the tips of her fingers seeming blue. Oxygen tubes were in her nose to assist her breathing. Despite all of this, I still thought she was the most beautiful person in the world.
"I love you too, Y/N," I replied as I pressed a kiss to her head.
"I have something for you," she said as she slowly sat up on the bed.
"What is it?" I asked her, putting my arm around her waist to support her.
"Can you go grab that bag over there?" she asked me as she pointed to a small gift bag that was set on the table across the room. I stood up to go get it and she smiled weakly at me as I grabbed it and brought it back to the bed.

She encouraged me to open it and I did, it was one of her favorite bracelets, a teddy bear I had gotten her for our first Valentine's day together, and a pile of letters.
"Y/N," I breathed, holding everything in my hands.
"I want you to have the bracelet and the teddy bear, so you'll never forget me. And the letters each have a time and place you should open them and read them. For milestones and just random stuff so I'm always with you," she smiled, her bright eyes starting to fill with tears. Even though sometimes she seemed lifeless, her eyes still shone so bright.

"What am I gonna do without you?" I asked rhetorically as I pressed my lips to her and pulled her into my arms, not squeezing too tight in fear of hurting her. I just held her there, looking at the stuff she had given me.
"I'm not going to go on a long ramble now because I have one written for you but just know that I love you so much and I don't want you to ever stop living your life because of this," she said, taking my hands into her small, cold ones.
"Promise me, Ivan," she said seriously, sticking her pinky out. I locked mine with hers and we kissed our thumbs, pressing them together to seal it.
"You're the most amazing person I've ever met," I said to her, "I don't know how to say goodbye, I'm not ready," I choked, tears now streaming down my face uncontrollably as she wiped them away gently with her thumb.
"Me neither, I don't want to go," she whispered, kissing my forehead, her lips still warm despite being dry.

After talking with each other a bit longer, we settled down to sleep. She was back with her head resting on my chest and my hand held hers. The TV was still playing quietly in the background but I wasn't paying attention, I was just looking at Y/N and listening to her low, shallow breaths as she looked peaceful.

Soon enough, her breathing stopped, and then the heart monitor flat-lined, the worst moment of my life. I needed to get a doctor, but I wanted to stay with her a bit longer, just me and her, forever.

"Goodbye, my love."