Loving You Painfully - Michaeng (Completed)

Chapter 13 - What Hurt The Most

"Remember, you have to wear the cap all the time, okay. Masker as well. Don't hold hand in a public place, and please meet up at the quietest place" Sana Unnie give a piece of advice.

"He said already book a whole place, Saguri. Besides, I'm just hanging out with him, it's nothing. No holding hands will involve" Mina say it.

"Yet" Jihyo Unnie add to the statement.

"Trust me, I don't want to have a relationship, okay? We're just friends, that's all"

"What's going on here?" I ask innocently.

"Minjae Oppa asked Mina out! You don't know?" Jihyo tell me vigorously.

I just shook my head. I know nothing seriously.

"Don't get jealous, Chaengie!" Jihyo add.

"No, why would I? I'm happy for you Unnie" I say it in a very shock tone as I surprise with Jihyo Unnie's statement.

"Thanks, Chaengie, but again it's nothing. He's been asking me out 10 times, I'll be labeled arrogant if I kept refusing" Mina explain to me as she really assures me that it's really nothing.

"You're so pretty Mina-ya, Minjae Oppa would be lucky" Sana praise her. She is indeed pretty. Always pretty for me, even without this makeup, even when she sleeps with her mouth open. Even when she's too focused on her game sometimes. She's pretty in everything.

"Nayeon Unnie also goes out for a date, Our turn might come soon, Sana-ya!" Jihyo Unnie say it while touching Sana Unnie's shoulder.

"Yes!" Sana Unnie replies Jihyo's statement.

Mina Unnie then comes downstair. The managers already check the basement, in case if there's any paparazzi. Minjae Oppa then come pick her up. I see from the window until I can't see his car. My chest hurt for no reason. In our dorm, Jihyo and Sana Unnie are watching the television. The rest has an individual schedule. Tzuyu is not home yet. I can't cry here. Too odd. I then decide to jog at 9 pm, in a 9 degrees weather. But I need this. I need to distract my mind. Since our dorm is near the han river I decide to take a jog there. Jihyo Unnie and Sana Unnie are both amazed that I would like to run at this time. 

I ran, I ran through han river, I ran with my earphone in my ear. I ran like crazy. I grin in a cold weather but I don't care. I have to focus on my running. My head and my hear hurt, also my body hurt to know that Mina Unnie went out with Minjae Oppa. But I can't do anything right? It's her life, it's her choice. Besides, she knows nothing about my feeling. I stop at the nearest park around our dorm. My favorite place. I sit there and sip my isotonic water. I'm sure tired, also feeling cold. But moreover, my heart is colder. I bite my lips too many times cause I don't want to have tears on my face. Until this song play into my ears.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm OK
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

I don't know what the song is until I check it, that's Rascal Flatts's song called What Hurts the Most. That's when I feel tears falling down hard on my face. And I can't stop it. I want it to stop, but I can't. I drown my face in my leg, my chest is hurting I don't know why. I try to punch my chest many times, I want this hurt feeling to stop. I hate this, I rarely cried. I cried only when I talk about my family. And her now she could make me like this. I keep punching my chest till someone stop me. I look up, it's Tzuyu. She immediately hug me and I cry in her stomach. She keeps stroke my hair, telling me to stop. I then cry for almost 15 minutes in her. I am tired. I release the hug.

"Done?" Tzuyu ask. "You could continue it if it makes you feel any better"

I take a deep breath. I shook my head.

"I looked at our group chat, they tease Mina Unnie a lot because of Minjae Oppa. Then, Jihyo Unnie mentioned that you went for a run. In a weather like this? Really?"

"So many people in Han River went for a run, you know. I met a few"

"Yes, fool people, just like you"

Tzuyu then sit beside me.

"But if it's could release anything that builds up in your chest, go ahead Chaengie. Just don't die out there"

"YA!"

"I mean it tho. Don't do anything stupid over love"

"I just need this. I realize as well that this is stupid, but I need this"

"Chaeyoung-ah, nothing happened between them, okay? You could also go out with a man if you want to, also with a woman as well. You could date someone if you want to"

"Yet, Tzuyu-ah nothing happen 'yet', They could become a lovely couple. Why don't them? Minjae Oppa is a nice person"

"You, you, you. It's all just in your mouth. I know deep down inside you feel like you want to die, I know that"

I then rub my eyes. Too many tears fall today.

"Is my eyes look okay?"

"You can tell them that your eyes are swollen because of cold weather"

"That bad huh?"

Tzuyu nod.

"You know that I rarely cry, right? I am tired somehow, Tzuyu-ah"

"I know you can't quit this feeling. Do what makes you feel happy then. Don't suffer yourself"

"Thanks! For here and there"

"You're welcome"

"You can also tell me everything, anything, you know right?" Tzuyu nod. 

"Like when Mingyu Oppa ask your number, perhaps?"

"YA CHAENGIE!"

"I could see you smile from ear to ear, you know"

"Let's go, it's cold, let's go back to our dorm" Tzuyu then leave me, avoiding this conversation.

I keep teasing her all the way to the dorm.

With this feeling going on, I almost forget that Christmas and New Year are near. This is way too bad to end 2018. Time flies so easily.