Loving You Is Forbidden (Third Book of "Fire and Ice" series)

CH. 18: Where love and respect fuse with true belonging (Part 1)

I wasn't going to tell them I loved him because it was rather embarrassing to admit it in front of them, and my father spared me from that. However, his words literally punched the air out of my lungs.

"Your mother and I had guessed that for some time," he only said and my expression pretty much said a lot, judging by how they both looked at me.

"What?" I choked out.

"Tolya, we know you more than you think. We are your parents and honey, after what happened, you often searched for solitude, wanting to be alone and still afraid to open up. We noticed how it took long time to slowly talk to your friends, letting them back into your life and the same was for us. It took long time for you to open up with us," mum explained with a soft smile, while her hand reached mine. I stared at it a moment and then rested my eyes on her face. I felt the gap of these years, because while they knew me that well, I had begun to know them completely only recently. Yeah, Oleg was fucking right in pretty much everything. "You kept for yourself and we decided to give you space and time. But you never minded to spend time alone with him, resting in his room or spending a weekend at his place. It was then that I realised you might have a special attachment for Oleg."

She went silent for a moment and exchanged a look with my dad; he only nodded, probably letting her talk. Saying I was speechless was the most moronic statement of the year. I had no idea what to say, because we still hadn't touched the most difficult part. So I decided to break the ice, just like I had decided to break it with Oleg.

"And what did you think? What do you think now?" I dared to ask, not sure I was really ready to hear their answer. Once more my father kept silent and nodded at my mum. So I began to think that she was the one that needed more time to adjust to it and I knew the reason behind that. It was the most natural reaction for her.

"At first Tolya, I was rather worried and I talked about it with your father. He reassured me, because of course he knows Oleg even better than I do and because Zhenya is like that." She shifted her eyes on him and they linked hands, lacing fingers together. "You darling always see further than I do," she told him with a clear expression of love on her face. My dad smiled in such tender way at her that I had to look away a moment. I really never noticed it before until recently: my parents indeed loved each other deeply.

"Your mother simply worried for you and I found it normally. It was the same for me at first, but at the same time, son, I could not see any risk for you. I know Oleg very well, and the fact he decided and allowed you to spend time with him in such personal way meant he had developed an honest attachment for you. Your mother and I at first worried for the difference in age and for the role he has in this family, for how Oleg is, but I highly respect and trust him as man." His words hit me strongly and I was almost left without oxygen. Yeah, my father clearly thought of Oleg much more than his assistant. My parents thought of Oleg as part of our family and their gratitude had slowly turned into a form of family-like attachment. "However, Natasha is ten years younger than me, so I would have been rather hypocritical and truth to be told son, I observed you and you look more and more relaxed, in peace with yourself and I know that it partially is due to Oleg. Was I then in any position to object anything? I thought that I was not and now I am very happy and proud of you for having come to talk to us, son."

I gulped at his words, because he had said them with such direct and open intensity that for a long moment there wasn't anything I could do or say. I was nervous before, having many doubts and fears, like a stupid, immature brat, and now here I was, hearing such words. I still had a long way to go, still a lot to learn.

"Yes Tolya honey, your father is right, and believe me: I will never ever forget what Oleg did for us. However, this and that are different matters, and esteeming him doesn't mean I did not worry. I was afraid it could undermine your new found balance, your finally reached happiness, but then, if you remember I came to talk to you." I nodded at her words and she smiled once more. "I thought you had a fight with Oleg, because it was clear you didn't want to talk to him. I was afraid something might have happened." Oh great, I had indeed behaved like some retarded, immature brat. No wonder he enjoyed calling me like that. I avoided groaning out at the memory of my rather embarrassing behaviour and mentally punched my moronic head. "I was afraid you would close in yourself once more, letting us out, I'm sorry Tolya...I know I shouldn't have thought that, but..."