Loving You Is Forbidden (Third Book of "Fire and Ice" series)

CH. 18: Where love and respect fuse with true belonging (Part 1)

"Tolya, good morning, you are up early this morning," my mum immediately greeted me with a sweet smile, walking to me to share a hug. "Haven't you slept well? Are you feeling well?" She was worried after what happened on Friday night, but to be honest I was more than fine. Sure, if you wouldn't consider my nervous state that was about to make me throw up on the kitchen floor.

Jee...I hated to feel this pathetic. Square your balls, you immature fucktard.

"I'm fine, mum, sorry if I interrupted you, but I couldn't sleep anymore and well, I wanted to talk to you and dad a moment, if that's OK with you?" I moved my eyes on my dad and he studied me a moment in complete silence, and then a smile formed on his face. Fuck. Had he made the connection already? I guess he had seen my rather edgy state, just like my mum.

"Of course son we can talk. You did not interrupt anything; your mother and I were discussing what happened on Friday, but I believe you feel good now, correct?"

"Yes, I'm good, I mean it." I went to the kitchen table and they followed me, all of us sitting around it. "Oleg helped me a lot and he called a friend that works on that clinic, so I'm really fine."

"He explained us all the details," my dad said, still carefully assessing me and keeping it short for my mum's sake.

He was right in doing so, because she looked a moment away and I knew why she did it: she was very protective of all of us and for sure she had minded not being right there beside me. I smiled and gave her a quick one arm hug.

"Mum, I'm fine, don't worry about it. I did plenty of stupid and wrong things before and this was nothing, plus Oleg really helped me," I tried to reassure her and she nodded.

"I know, Tolya, but I just worried so much after hearing that and I wish I could do something, or talk to someone in school to stop this, because I cannot stand the idea of someone trying to hurt you, actually hurting you," she spoke each word with evident effort and tension, and her eyes seemed set on some fierce line. She could be quite the terrifying lioness sometimes and I would never forget how she kicked those harpies out of our house for having talked shit about me. Well, they said the truth, but it apparently was huge shit for my mum, as she almost bit their heads off.

"There isn't much to do and don't worry: after last night I'll be more careful and I'll keep my eyes open," I explained, because this fucktard had already pissed me off more than enough. I had to find this little shit and end this ridiculous thing, before someone close to me would get involved.

"Zhenya and I decided to not press further for the moment and Oleg offered his assistance once more, in case we would need it." Of course he had to do that, argh...of course. He was already moving around, knowing him. He hadn't taken what happened well at all, to use a euphemism.

I massaged my forehead a moment and then looked straight into their eyes. My mouth felt dry as I went to talk and for a split of a second I decided that maybe it was a very stupid idea. But I immediately mentally kicked my ass for such lame cowardice and once more, I chose to spill the beans. It was the right thing to do and I sure owed it to them, as I owed it to Oleg. I loved that impassive bastard and there was no way I would hide it.

"I have to talk to you about Oleg," I said immediately, swallowing down slowly as my eyes studied their expressions, trying to read into them some sort of reactions. Dad didn't look particularly surprised and somehow it was the same for my mum, but something quickly crossed her face and for a moment I thought it was worry, but she then smiled at me in such way that...I had to talk. My hand automatically ran in my hair, as I sighed out. "I know it might not be easy to get it, but well," I sucked in a huge breath and then let the words out all in one go. "But I like him, I mean, I do like Oleg. I have feelings for him and before you ask me whether it's a phase or not, I can freaking assure that it's not. I had gone almost crazy when I first realized I had feelings for that impassive bastard, and they scared me at first, because of many things and because I thought it impossible and because of me. I questioned myself whether I had lost my freaking mind or if maybe it was a product of what had happened months ago, but no. It's not. I simply like him and..."