Falling for Harry Styles

Chapter 11

I laughed, “Doing good Zen.” I used the nickname I had adopted for him in an attempt to make him smile for real. My plan worked and, this time, his smile reached his eyes.

“Good,” he followed Louis and Liam.

“Oh my God, Natalie!” I heard Niall feign grief, “Look at you! This is terrible. How could we let this happen to you?! We’re bad friends!” He fell into my open arms, fake sobs racking his thin frame.

I laughed at him, “Oh, Niall! I can always count on you to make me laugh.”

He straightened up immediately and smiled wide. “Good.” He placed a light kiss on my cheek, “That’s what I’m here for.”

I saw Harry roll his eyes at his back as Niall ducked into the lounge with the rest of the boys. He stepped closer to me and lowered his voice, “That Niall. Always the dramatic one.” We smiled at each other as we followed the other four. We took our seats on the smaller couch amongst the conversations already taking place.

As their conversations died out, I could feel the uneasiness and tension in the air. I scanned their faces and could see, with the adverted eyes, pursed lips, and fiddling hands, that everyone was hesitant to speak first. I cleared my throat and five sets of eyes looked in my direction, “Guys, you don’t have to be nervous. I know Harry said not too many questions, but a few won’t hurt.” I made eye contact with each of them as I spoke, “Really, it’s okay.”

There was a moment of silence until I heard Niall’s small voice, “Why…?” I looked at him on the floor arms wrapped around bent up knees, his eyes down, looking at his feet. “Why didn’t you tell any of us?” He looked up at me, pain visible in his eyes. “We could have helped you.”

 “I…” I sighed,” “I couldn’t tell anyone Ni. I was too ashamed that I let him do that to me,”  I turned my gaze down to my hands folded in my lap, feeling too guilty to meet his eyes. “I was too upset to face the truth that I wasn’t doing anything to stop him.”

“Did you love him?” Zayn’s abrupt question had me gazing at him in wonder.

“Uh, I thought I did. But, looking back, how could I have truly loved somebody that caused me so much pain?” My voice cracked as I made eye contact with him on the last word, willing away the forming tears.

“How long?” Louis spoke to me for the first time.

“What Lou?” I looked at him, his eyes staring at nothing in particular.

“How long was he-“ he paused, gulped, and looked into my eyes, “hurting you?” he said with pain in his voice.

“Uh,” I had to think back to how long it actually was. “About three weeks, a month maybe.”

“How could we not have seen it?” Liam spoke softly.

“You guys barely ever got to see me.”

“That should have been enough of a clue that something was wrong.” He looked into my eyes.

“Guys,” I looked down into my lap again. “Don’t blame yourselves. None of you are at fault here. Okay?” I looked at each of them as there were various forms of acceptance thrown out followed by a slightly less uncomfortable silence.

“Well,” I said breaking the silence after a moment, "I've got some news..."

"News?" Louis cocked his head to the side as he looked at me with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Yea, Nat what is it?" Liam questioned.

"Well, um... I applied for a scholarship at the University of London for the fall semester."

"Natalie, that's great!" Zayn cried enthusiastically.

"Yea Nat, good for you!" Harry said, throwing his arm over my shoulders in a side hug.

"Yea. Well, it's like the process of applying for a job. If they like my application then I will get an interview."

"And if they like your interview...?" asked Niall.

"Then I'll get the scholarship I guess."

"Well we're all very proud of you." Liam said sweetly.

"Thanks guys." I smiled at the love in the room. “So... How about a movie?”

“I vote Toy Story.” Liam said, nothing but seriousness in his voice.

“You always vote Toy Story, Liam,” Zayn whined.

“It’s a classic,” Liam said, throwing his hands up in defense.

I giggled. “You guys decide on a movie, I’ll go make some popcorn,” I said standing and walking toward the kitchen, leaving five bickering boys to argue about the movie.

I smiled as I fished in the cupboard for the popcorn. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t scared of the raised voices and the arguing. I knew it wasn’t angry yelling and arguing, but it was out of some sort of love. I finally felt safe and happy in a home that wasn’t my own.