leather jackets.

forty-one.

dear wren,

i'm writing this letter to say goodbye. the doctors say i might have a few days left, but they aren't really sure.

i also decided: screw the exhaustion of writing this. there are so many things i have to tell you and can't risk not being able to say them.

so, here goes.

when i was first diagnosed with cancer, i got very depressed. i mean, who wouldn't? especially knowing that it's already in stage two and your survival rate decreases that much. i took a much needed night of cheesy chick flicks and bawled my eyes out. one movie in particular really struck me, and it's one of my favorites. i'm sure you'd like it too, wren.

it was called now is good, starring dakota fanning and jeremy irvine. it was about a girl who had cancer and had recently stopped chemotherapy, deciding that she wanted to do some things on her bucket list. along the way, she meets her next door neighbor, adam, and falls for him. 

now, i'm sure you know what happened at the end of this movie. i definitely did, but that didn't stop me from crying multiple times of sadness. it was a brilliant film and maybe when you stop by tonight after work we can watch it on netflix or something.

my point is, i started to realize; i am this movie.

i know the ending, but i need to make the most of what i have now. the memories that have been made over my seventeen- almost eighteen- years.

wren, you're my adam. you'll be the last person i ever think and dream about before i pass away. despite my fast approaching death, i expect you to be good about your smoking and drinking. i can still haunt you if i wanna.

as for my parents?

they've already said most of their goodbyes. i told them to leave so i could write this letter. they've been sitting in this room with me for days and it feels so claustrophobic and it smells like cancer and i hate it so much.

i got to go to the meadow one last time. it was as beautiful as ever, and i know i've left my mark there. tears started slipping down my face as my skin grew red from the sun, falling down into the soil, filling up a plant's thirst. i told that meadow how much i loved it, and it felt like it was talking back to me. 

maybe it was.

maybe god was speaking down to me. but i've never gone to church, so i'm not sure how all of that stuff works in the first place.

and as my hands grow tired, and my eyelids begin to droop, i must address one final topic. the most important topic.

love.

wren, i think i've loved you forever. maybe longer. i think it was that leather jacket. leather jackets brought us together. although some may see it as teenage puppy love, what i feel for you is real.

and sure, there are people who hate me, people who are fake to me, and people who care deeply about me but tell me that our relationship is fake, but this?

this is real.

i love you so much, wren.

wren, wren, wren, wren, wren, wren, wren, wren, wren-

godspeed.

 -grace.

|not the end.|