a/n: congrats! you've made it to the second (and final) bonus chapter! this one's in...
aspen's pov
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(epilogue)
aspen gives one last look at the mirror before sighing and frowning at his reflection. he's been in the bathroom for forty minutes (as darwin ever-so-kindly reminds him by banging his fist against the door and yelling every five seconds), and his hand has dragged through his dark hair more times than he can count. his stare lingers on his eyes, taking in the fact that the once-bright hue of them has dulled to a pale green. purple circles swirl just below them, and his whole face just feels heavy.
this isn't how he's supposed to look on a first date.
one more knock, and aspen's slamming the door open, glaring menacingly at his little brother. darwin rolls his eyes a little, but aspen can easily sense the sympathy behind them, and he hates it.
sympathy. him and darwin always seem to receive it, even though they're the last ones to ask for it. darwin knows aspen doesn't like to be pitied. hell, darwin himself doesn't like to be pitied.
what a fucking hypocrite is all aspen can think as he pushes past his brother, making sure to give his shoulder an extra large shove. but is that even the word for what he is? he doesn't have the energy to shrug so he just closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. he doesn't know and he doesn't care.
when he opens the door, kyra is the first thing he sees. great, he thinks sarcastically. he doesn't want to see anyone right now, and he definitely doesn't want to see her. it isn't the fact that she annoys the shit out of him (that's part of it, though). he'd never admit it, but she actually lightens up his day a little, helping him without even knowing it. and he's grateful for that. he doesn't want to lose that. so when she finally walks up the porch steps to him, he forces a smile on his face. but it doesn't take long for it to fade.
"whereare you going dressed like that?"
fuckfuckfuck. the words are muddled but it's the only phrase his mind can process right now. does he look ugly? is he overdressed? god, he doesn't even know what he's supposed to wear for this kind of thing.
he mutters something dismissive to her and hurries to his car. he hurries because he's scared, because he knows he's about to crack — he hurries because there's a chance that when he gets there, she might still be there.
he hurries even though he knows she won't be.
the drive there is silent. his hands are too weak to reach over and turn on the radio, and his eyes can barely focus on the road signs and traffic lights. the streets blur, the reds and yellows and greens blur, everything just blurs. but he wills himself to keep it together a little longer, to keep it together for her.
when he gets out of his car, the world spins. it's like the earth has fallen off its axis, and he's floating through space only to see that the giant rock of a planet is hurling towards him. it's not a good feeling. nothing ever is when you're in a cemetery.
he's always hated this place, but, then again, who doesn't? with its eerie silence and the terrifying realization that you're hovering over rows upon rows of limp bodies, the place just screams...
it just screams...
god, it even hurts to think the word.
he runs. he doesn't know if that's considered disrespectful given the place he's in and he doesn't know why he's running but he does it anyway. and that's the only thing he's able to register; he's running, and that's the only thing reminding him that he's alive and she's—
the grave is gray and tall and curved. it has carvings in it, but those words don't matter to him. those words don't mean anything. nothing means anything because one day, everything'll be gone anyway. sticks and stones can break his bones all the fuck they want, but words will never hurt him. that's what he's known all his life, but for the first time in what seems like a lifetime, he's starting to doubt himself.
because when he finally finds a name on the stone, he shatters into a million pieces, pieces that fall onto the grass and sink into the ground.
rayna marie lancaster.
this is his first date with her, and he's a storm in the sky while she's six feet under. this isn't fair. a sob escapes his lips. she'sdead.
a/n: i didn't want to have to explain this chapter. trust me. but many people are confused, so i'll give a little explanation: aspen used to have his own spin-off (which i unpublished, and it'll never come back lmao), and he fell in love with this girl named rayna. at the end of the book, rayna was supposed to run out in the street, crying and drunk, and a car would hit her, killing her on impact. aspen, of course, is devastated by this and...yeah. i know, it's terrible ):
but basically, what this is supposed to say is that while darwin and kyra got a happy ending, aspen didn't. maybe he will later, maybe he won't. i don't really know.
anyway, writing/editing this book has been so much fun but, at the same time, it's a relief to have it sit here, finished. hope you enjoyed it!!
