Satirical How To Guides

How to be an edgelord

Author's note: the following guides in this book are for COMEDY and are not to be taken seriously. Please don't actually try these because you'll only make yourself look like a fucking prick or get arrested. Thank you.

Do you want to be an edgelord? How does the idea of strolling through the street frightening old ladies and young children with your edginess sound? Follow this step-by-step guide and I'll have you being an edgelord in no time.

Step 1: choose who you make afraid.

Make sure you target pets, young children, and old ladies. This is because they are the most easily frightened, and it is best to start off this way once you decide you want your neighbourhood to perceive you as edgy. If you started with people your own age and size, you might get punched before your reign even begins. If you frighten the weak and vulnerable first, then they will tell everyone how scary and intimidating you are, so you get a reputation without people beating you up.

Step 2: connect with more edgy people.

You could do this by joining an edgy group or organisation. This is useful, because connecting with more edgy people enables you to gather more ideas on how to be edgy. Examples include joining the church of Satan, browsing 4chan, joining a "lol dank memes edgy kek lulz kekistan fuck normies" chat room, or if you're really edgy, start your own group which is a combination of every edgy group you can think of.

Step 3: Speak like an edgy person

Here are commonly used phrases by edgelords:
•Kek
•Fuck normies
•Dank memes
•(Describing everything you don't like as "autism")
•Kekistan lol
•Deus vult!!1111!1111!

Step 4: Browse edgy websites

Why only be edgy offline when you can be edgy both offline and online? 4chan is the perfect place for people like you to browse. Always post edgy content online to impress everyone, such as the time you shoplifted a bag of crisps. The edgiest of the edgy always browse the deep web.

Step 5: Only date other edgy people such as yourself.

You don't want to end up with a normie bf/gf, do you? Always make sure your partner is edgy. Consider dating Disturbing Timmy, who you caught looking through your window to watch you get changed one afternoon, or Sally, the girl who keeps posting videos she found on the deep web onto her Facebook profile.

Step 6: You must be a really delusional person.

People are going to start avoiding you because you're a prick who tries too hard and no one likes. However, you are going to pretend, and believe, that they're avoiding you because they're scared of you, and are in awe of how rebellious you are because you stole £2 from your mum and then went and bragged about it to everyone.

Step 7: Share the edgelord battlecry.

When things don't go your way, scream: "REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Maybe your teacher gave you a detention for threatening year sevens, shove everything off her desk and scream REEEEEEE. Did your mum find out you were visiting the deep web and confiscate your computer? Call her a normie and throw a fit on the floor. REEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I hope you find this guide useful, please follow me and add this book to your reading list for more funny how to guides. See ya! ❤️