Under the Bridge

chapter thirty-"i'm a coward"

In the movies, when people are in good situations, they say 'I could get used to this.' But to be honest, I don't think I could ever get used to that feeling. I don't think I could see myself looking at Olivia and seeing just a girl. I couldn't look into her eyes and see anything but a storm, the kind that keeps you awake at night and bursts through your windows, the kind that shakes your house and floods your basement. 

What is possible, is that I can imagine falling in love with her.

"Liam, are you even listening?" My mother asks. 

I snap out of my daze. "Sorry, what did you say?" 

She purses her lips together. "You're still grounded, but if you want to do something with Elizabeth tomorrow, you can." 

Her suggestion gives me an idea.  

* * * 

O L I V I A

C A M B R I D G E: 2:00

The campus seems just as grand as it did every time I've seen it before. Everything is clean cut and groomed, from the grass to the trees, to even the people. Everyone looks like they belong here, from the brilliant exchange students and the wealthy intellectuals around every corner. I'd seen a fair amount of people I'd classify as normal, but I don't want that. 

It feels like everyone here has the same goal. To succeed. 

When I went to UChicago, I was surprised as to how it wasn't close to the city, but part of the city. There were people everywhere, and all of them came from a thousand different backgrounds. I could walk twenty minutes and get Polish dinner one way, and Mexican dessert just ten minutes later. The flurry of people was brilliant, and untamed. It felt raw and real. 

Liam's jacket is the only thing that keeps me sane. Inside the nearly-empty lecture hall, I feel slightly calm. The room is large and daunting, ceiling at least seventy feet above my head. The walls are decorated with elaborate pictures and paintings. 

"They don't have class here anymore." My mom comments, voice carrying through the room as though it was a music hall or an auditorium. "Makes me feel old." 

I shrug. 

Instead of thinking about this place, or her words, I wrap my arms around myself and pretend I'm still with the person who insists I leave this life. Even though he knows it's my decision, he still pushes me to break the boundaries and tell her. 

I wish I could be as brave as him. 

I'm a coward. 

* * *

L I A M

P O R T L A N D: 12:15

I'm a coward. 

I've parked my car on the side of the road, between an antique Ford and a brand new Buick. The music in the car is soft, I've turned the sound down so I can think. The new pine car freshener is the only thing keeping this scene tranquil. 

Lizzie is fast asleep in the passenger seat, her cheek pressing up against the window and her arms crossed on her chest. This is the first time I've seen her dress up in a long time. Her dark hair is no longer messy like mine always was, but instead, it's been straightened neatly. A lemon colored dress is contrasting with her tan skin, but she's still wearing the dark high-top converse that she always does.