James' thoughts and feelings

James was bipolar. And he kept a journal with him where he wrote everything like it was someone else talking to him. When he died, me and my boyfriend took his journal so no one could think of him as a maniac for what he wrote. When he left Emily for the third time, she got herself a new boyfriend, just to try to forget James. These are his words when he found out.

You can't live without her, can you? Of course not! And you think you will ever? Another negative answer. Understand one thing James. You will never get her back. you were stupid, admit it! You fucked up! Things weren't as you expect them to be. You should have listen to me. It's not by following her that you will get her back. It's not by hurting people she loves, or asking your friends to follow her and control her that you will get her. She moved on! You lied to her so many times, saying that you've moved on when in the end you always got back to her. She is tired of you James. You know her well. You know that each day that passed she spent the night crying, waiting for you to call her or text her and you never did that. You know she was very happy with you, before you got yourself in that stupid rock band. You wanted it so much. For what? She supported you and your thanks to her is playing with her feelings. How could you be so stupid? What's in your head? You must be the dumbest person ever! You wasted the chance of a lifetime to be happy. You didn't think she could move on. And now she's happy with her new boyfriend. And you hate him. You can't see him holding your girl. You want to be with her. You don't want to lose her, ever! But she doesn't belong to you. Last time you tried to call her she didn't pick up. When you walk in the street she doesn't even see you. She forgot you! She forgot that she loved you and that you love her. Why didn't you tell her everyday that you love her? You could, you know? You could be living with her, just the two of you. No one else. Alone. But now you can't. She tried for almost two years. You pretended you didn't care. And when you realised that you didn't have her, you wanted her more than anything. Now you hide in your shell and don't let anyone near you until she asks to be with you. There's nothing you can do.

Just one last thing. When you had your last concert and you played the song you wrote for her, if you asked her to be with you forever, she would say yes. But since you didn't do it, her only thought is:

'Just for the record, I would have said yes!'