Phan oneshot collection

My story

'Well I like you a lot, so you must be at least a little bit wrong'

You see, if he liked me, then why shouldn't I? It's not like I changed over night but slowly, I realised I liked small things about myself. I started to stop rejecting the compliments he gave me and slowly I believed them. He gave me confidence, and it really opened my eyes. 

He's done so much for me.

It had been a few weeks now, and then one night I had one of my famous 'existenial crisises' and I wasn't coping too well. Phil was texting me at the time, and somehow he guessed something was up. He asked me if I was okay, and when all I could say was 'no', I heard my phone start to ring almost instantly.

Shaking, I picked it up, knowing it was him. He had never heard my voice before, but I had memorised his. I just wished he wouldn't be hearing it for the first time when I was like this.

The first thing he said was my name. Not hello, but my name. 

'Dan? Dan what's wrong?'

It took me a few seconds to reply. But Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, had just spoken my name, just for me, because he was worried and cared.

'Do you remember I told you about how I sometimes have existential crisises? It's of those,' I told him.

'Dan-'

'You said my name,' I cut in, saying it quietly. I knew he sounded confused, but it had just tumbled past my lips.

'I did, why are you telling me this?' I heard him ask. 'It does belong to you you know,' he added, chuckling slightly and the biggest smile became plastered all over my lips.

'Because I just kind of can't believe it. Ever since I started watching your videos and almost obsessing over you I always wondered what it would be like when you said my name,' I told him, and then blushed violently. 'Shit I wasn't meant to say that.' He laughed at that, and I turned scarlet.

'You are so cute Dan. It's weird, you sound different to how I thought you would,' he told me.

'How did you think I would sound?'

'Like a little girl,' he joked, and I laughed. 'Your laugh is perfect though, you really nailed it.' He told me. He even sounded a little embarassed. 'Hey Dan, you have said how weird it is to actually hear me say your name, but you haven't said mine yet,'

'That sounds really creepy, especially witht the 4 and a half year age gap,'

'No I don't mean it like that you numpty,'

'I know you don't, Phil.' I could practically see him smiling down the phone.

'Are you feeling better now?'

'I am now that I am talking to you.'

After that phone call I realised how completely butt crazy in love I was with him. I guessed that he probably only saw me as a friend, and I was fine with that, because it still meant he was mine in some way, and I could happily live like that.

It didn't stop my heart soaring when he asked if I wanted to Skype with him sometime. I agreed instantly and we had a 'date' set for the next day at 7. It took me ages to get ready for it, being honest. I spent half and hour choosing what to wear, and then a whole fifteen minutes straightening my hair. 

As soon as his face appeared though, I realised non of what I wore mattered, because there he was, smiling at me.

I think we talked for three hours, and by the end of it I really did love him. But here's where I started talking about things people do when they like each other. My cheeks were pretty much scarlet throughout the whole thing, I may as well had had a sign on my forehead stating my obvious love for him. But even his cheeks had gone red while we were talking, and he kept giggling and hiding his face. Maybe he did like me, you know, just a little.

The next time we had a date (Phil weirdly insisted on calling them that, even though he never said it outright) he asked me if I had a girlfriend. I almost laughed at this, but he was being serious. I told him I didn't and he gave me a small sort of smile, and I had no idea what it meant. And then he asked my sexual orientation. I told him I was bi, and he grinned and gave me a virtual high five.

Phil has really changed my life. Without him I was some weird kid who didn't have any real friends. And then he became the best one in the universe. He even got me into making videos, something I had wanted to do for a while but lacked the confidence to do. But managed to get me too. I still remember the buzz I felt when it had uploaded, and how touched I felt when Phil had tweeted it, telling people to go and watch me. 

We grew a whole lot closer, and it was really becoming perfect. I was becoming the person I wanted to be, all because an amazing person was so utterly kind to me. It was all I really needed; my Phil.

It took a while, but then somehow, we ended dating. He asked me out on a skype call, admitting he had a huge crush on me, and I beamed and told him I felt the same way. He had smiled like crazy and blown me a sweet little kiss when he had to say goodbye and my heart ached for him. He was so perfect.

I didn't tell him I was in love with him though, I couldn't find the words. I didn't want to mess things up and lose him.

But now, I was his boyfriend.

That leads me back to internet relationships. The few of my friends I told reacted just like that. They asked if I had met him yet, and when I said no they frowned a little. They were happy for me, it was obvious, they just didn't get how I could be so content not seeing him constantly, never actually having touched him, let alone kissed him. They just didn't get that whole part.

I already had Phil, I knew everything about him, the only thing was that I hadn't met him in person. I didn't need to feel him to love him. I already knew he was real.

They didn't understand that even though I hadn't been close to him at all I really loved him. But they don't realise the amount I knew. I knew all his weird habits. He twitches his nose and wrinkles it when he's too lazy to itch it properly, if he's ever wearing his glasses and he needs to sort out his hair he always adjusts them too right after, he licks his lips all the time, he likes to lie on his stomach, he hardly ever blinks. I know all of that and I haven't touched him ever.

Yeah, it's weird but just like, get over it. It's really simple.

My friends will probably stop wondering those things soon though. Tomorrow I am meeting him for real.

Remember, I never said I didn't want to meet him, I said I didn't need to. I was already loving him when I was just a crazy fan, so if I was happy just being able to speak to him, get a mention on twitter, why wouldn't I survive without feeling his touch?

Once I have though I know it will be harder. I will miss it, him, his scent. But I will still have him online, and I know a lot will be in store for us.

I still haven't told him I love him either. But I thought that I will tell him tomorrow. Tell him and then find the courage to kiss him. Hopefully it will be as perfect as he is to me.

People don't think you can't fall into the arms of people's arms you haven't touched before, but what do they know? I have already come crashing through the clouds and Phil has already caught me.

So why should it make a difference if it started on the internet? It's been real all along.

Okay that was definitely a subject close to my heart.