bookworm // wolfstar au

t w o

"you look tired," remus says in a concerned voice when sirius meets him in the common room. "...are you okay? has something happened?"

remus' concern over him has sirius' heart melting into a fucking puddle. "ah, don't worry about me," he mumbles, sitting in the chair next to remus and rubbing his eyes. 

"are you sure? you don't look so good..." remus' voice has softened even more, and he puts out a tiny hand to touch sirius' forehead. "sirius! you have a fever!"

sirius can't even focus on that, though. all he can think about is remus' tiny, cold hand touching his skin, the fact that he's pretty sure this is the first time remus has said his name, and the concern in his eyes. 

"i'm okay," sirius assures him, but his voice is too weak. remus is too close, and sirius is way too in love for this to be happening right now.

remus is blushing, and he removes his hand from sirius' forehead. "okay...if you're sure," he says slowly, swallowing hard and turning his gaze to the herbology book in front of him. "so, herbology?"

"right. herbology," sirius nods, praying that staying up all night will pay off. he starts to ramble, hoping he's making at least a little bit of sense.

- - -

a few hours later, remus' essay is finished. sirius is honestly in awe of himself -- staying up until 5am stuffing as much herbology knowledge as possible into his brain was effective. the common room is empty now, and the glow from the fireplace turns everything soft and warm. sirius has his head in his arms on the table, looking over at remus, and remus is staring right back at him. neither of know what to say, and everything feels like so much.

"what are you thinking about?" remus asks.

you, sirius thinks immediately. i'm thinking about you. i'm thinking about how tiny your hands are. about how you have tiny dimples in your cheeks. i'm thinking about kissing you. not even your mouth -- your nose. your cheeks. your forehead. i'm thinking about how fucking soft you make me feel. i'm thinking about holding your hand. i'm thinking about how much you could change me. i'm thinking about how much i want you to.

"sirius?" remus presses when he doesn't answer right away.

"huh? oh, nothing," sirius replies, but he says it too quickly, and his face flushes red. a tiny smile makes its way onto remus' face, but he doesn't say anything. when sirius looks back over after the blush fades from his face, and he sees that remus' cheeks are a bit flushed, too. warmth spreads through sirius' stomach to his chest.

- - -

"so? how'd it go?" peter demands when sirius gets back up to their dorm. james is in sirius' bed, eating his chocolate frogs. 

"you said i could have them," james reminds sirius when he frowns.

sirius shrugs. "fair enough, i guess." he goes over to his bed and lays down beside james, and peter sits at the foot of the bed, legs tucked underneath him.

"come on, sirius, tell us!" peter whines. 

sirius rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "it went....well. he finished his essay. it turns out, i actually am good at herbology, all it took was actually, like, trying. and he said --"

"sirius! no one gives a shit about the essay!" james shouts. "what was it like spending time with him!?"

sirius shifts a little, facing the wall. he can't look at his friends while he's feeling all soft and mushy. he's not sure he even wants to admit what he's feeling.

"come on!" james huffs, poking sirius' side where he knows he's ticklish, and sirius squirms, laughing. "you know we won't make fun of you. i mean, we will, but out of affection."

"alright, alright." sirius takes a deep breath. "he's really, really cute, you guys. he's so fucking cute. he could tell i hadn't slept, or something. i mean, he kept saying, 'are you okay? you don't look so good,' and then he fucking touched my forehead to, like, take my temperature or some shit! and his hands are so tiny and cold! and, i don't know. i don't know. he's just..." sirius buries his face in his hands. "i'm so fucking in love it's disgusting!"

james laughs. "god, you're such a dramatic sap, sirius. look at me." sirius refuses to roll over, so james has to roll him over himself. "you dumbass. look, peter and i might make fun of you, but it's because we love you. don't look at me like that -- yes, bitch, i'm gonna be affectionate as fuck with you! i love you, okay? you're my best friend, and if you like remus, then we're gonna find a way for you to be with him and kiss his nose or whatever the fuck you wanna do with him. i mean, as long as he's into it."

"i'd also like to kiss his mouth, if he's into it," sirius responds, face still covered.

james hopelessly stares at peter, who shakes his head. "sirius, james is right. we make fun of you but it's out of kindness. we'll do everything we can to help you get together with him, okay?"

when sirius uncovers his face, it's only because he hugs his best friends. "you guys are the worst," he says, but in reality, he loves his best friends so much.

- - -

"he's....nice," remus says slowly to his friend, alice prewett. he chews on his lip. "i'd never talked to him before really. i'd heard lots of rumors, you know...but i'm not so sure any of them are true. he doesn't seem like the kind of person to...do those things."

"you've only spent a bit of time with him," alice reminds remus. "you don't really know who he is or what he's like."

remus shrugs. "i don't know," is all he says. "he just doesn't seem like he could hurt anybody like that." he stands by his gut feeling. it's never led him astray before, and there's just something about sirius black that remus likes very much.