Letters from India

62. Swami Takes Letter & Nice Venkamma Darshan - Jan 1987

Swami Takes Letter & Nice Venkamma Darshan

January 7, 1987

Prasanthi Nilayam

Dear Family,

Sai Ram! I am great; really, I have everything I want, and am in that state of contentment - except moksha hasn’t come! Meaning, feeling myself in all as all, being all and in all time at once. I had given up the moksha desire for a long time, 1½ year at least, but, alas, again it’s returned.

I'm still settled in the room, R2 C6. The French girl and lady from LA left – good friend Ingrid from Holland has joined our room, returned from two terrible tortuous months in Holland (and I know what she means). Now we’re three – German girl, Ingrid, and me.

So many people, just now getting a bit less. Now 26-27 lines in Darshan line-up, instead of 30 & up. Still I'm not joining much, but I’ve had a few really nice Darshans when I join.

Did I write about Sai taking the photo of Sis and her daughter?! I was front line one rare day, the day I had Sis' letter. I put the photo in an envelope – He came and took it gently from my hand, after He looked at the letter and said, “Oh, (as if He knows everything!), Yes, yes, yes.”

Cold continues – chill is bad – cold we can take but chill, brrr.

Parvatamma is fine – had a small cold a few days ago but she recovered fast. Attachment is still there but it must be being worked out, eh…?

Venkamma is so, so fine – power as usual. She’s kind to me. I talk to her if I have questions or concerns.

I was just near Venkamma (morning Darshan today). She came close to me when she was walking to her room, she paused and with big eyes, stared deep into mine, then walked away, I was reminded of when Krishna’s mother looked into His open mouth, and saw all the universes and all of creation, inside! Venkamma’s look was almost like staring into the open mouth of Krishna! Vision of the Divine, really!

When I do get nice Darshans of Sai, He is giving grace to people in my section, or coming close to me while talking to others, but has not looked at me at all. I don’t think He’s looked at me in Darshan compound, since early November. I have gotten a few car stare-Darshans, but not lately.

My birthday was celebrated by others but not Swami, as usual. I didn’t tell many; I like to keep quiet. Anyway, the bakery made me chocolate Birthday cake. :-) It was also a festival that day, Vaikuntha Ekadasi (the doors of heaven are open on this one day of the year – if you die that is). Parvatamma made special food for Swami – so I got special Birthday prasad.

On December 31st Sai went to Anantapur for His annual Sai girl’s college visit. He was back in the evening. He had the South Americans sing bhajans & Spanish songs in the Mandir. On the 1st Sai & us listened to the College boy’s instrumental music competition in the Poornachandra – so nice.

Be well all, Love & Sai Ram,

Divya