Letters from India

29. Govardhan and Taj Mahal - June 1985

Govardhan and Taj Mahal

June 4-8, 1985

Vrindaban, U.P.

Dearest Peoples,

(4th June) Yesterday I got a postcard from Public Relations Office in Prasanthi Nilayam – saying they haven't received my new visa papers yet! But it was soo wonderful receiving an item from the sacred Prasanthi Nilayam – complete with “Om Sai Ram” printed across the front, and signed, “Yours in the service of Sai.” A worshipable item! :-)

Prabhupada’s writings put down everyone else – it’s suffocating me. This is definitely a cult, a sect.

Gee what can I say positive!! I don’t want to put you all on the downers of cult-dom. Well why don’t I leave? Fine, where? I can only pray to the Divine to make things work out in the way that is best for me. The Lord has done that thus far! The saga continues.. :-)

It’s really sad – I’ve met some people here who seem soo sweet, so innocent, so sincere. The kind of person you just look at and spontaneously want the best for, that kind of good person. Yet they’re pounded with this dogma and have such a low opinion of everyone else. You find this out when you make some seemingly innocent and “safe” comment, and they tear it apart.

Like I mentioned your mother Mom, how she was of the Catholic religion but was a good person and did service to the Lord, did her dharma by serving her family. The comment that she was doing & dedicating it to the Lord was met by a firing of, “She may think she’s doing it for the Lord, but it’s only for material gains! It’s all bogus!!” A long lecture on this theme followed. I was all but open-mouthed! I hadn’t expected that. Forget attempting to make positive comments about any non-ISKON member or any non-ISKON but spiritually-minded person. It’ll just be met with the term “bogus” and negativity. See how one can get suffocated? :-(

When I first came it seemed nice, but that was only the surface I was seeing; the more I stay, the more it feels as if I'm going into darkness - the blackness of negativity. Give me teachings that are open to others, respect all, and don’t say that theirs is the one and only highest teachings, Please!!!

(June 5th) See, while SRF would have super-meditative environment, here it’s a loud, teenage-like environment. Although it may seem livable at fist, I admit I'm not the kind of person who can take it for very long at all; whereas Prasanthi Nilayam is not loud at all, but has the perfect combo of the namasmarana (bhajans & japa) that I like so much; plus a good deal of meditation time (waiting for Darshan and bhajans!).

(June 6th) Today at lunch, Daiva Shakthi (the secretary) gave her famous comment to me, “Come to my room after lunch.” (The last time was when she brought me there to give her “So you believe Sai Baba is an incarnation of Vishnu” talk.)

I went and, it seems, devotees have been complaining about my picture of Sai in my room, and knowing I worship Him. They said it infringes on their devotion. Daiva said she had been sticking up for me, saying I was new and I might change. But now, now..

Actually she started off by saying, “Let me ask you some questions.” She asked like, “Who is Krishna? Who are we? How do you know this?” I answered, with all the honesty in me. Amazingly, she agreed very happily! I was a good student.

Until one point we disagree on: that I believe the final goal is nameless & formless, yet one with all, and she believes it’s with a spiritual (in Krishna Loka) form, the individual consciousness is eternal. Moan.

She ended up by saying I should take Sai’s picture down or (in so many words) leave. NOW YOU TELL ME, HOW CAN I TAKE SAI’S PICTURE DOWN??!!??

I just booked a ticket from Mathura to Anantapur for mid-July, but I have to wait a day or two to have it picked up/confirmed.

In the meantime, I'm going tomorrow (I think) to see the famous Govardhan mountain, that played a part in Rama’s story and then in Krishna's time. After that, guess what I'm planning to do? Go! I'm burying my head in an India travel guide and studying all the pilgrimage places.

(June 7th) Today I went to Govardhan. :-) Once in Govardhan, I asked where Govardhan Giri (mountain) was. They replied with a typical Indian gesture (“In a general direction over there.”) Soo, I walked on & on, extremely suspicious because there were no mountains anywhere to be seen! Finally around one mile later, reaching the outskirts of the city, I gave up following the “good signs” (tour buses & educated touristy-looking Indians) that had only led to dead ends. I returned to the bus station (just imagine one lone female foreigner, walking up, then back, a semi-deserted street, lined with staring shop owners – all men of course). What is this I wonder, some odd sort of karma - ??

Anyway, right before I was about to buy the ticket back to Vrindaban, I changed my mind and decided to go to the main temple that I had just overheard about.

Some guy was hassling me to hire him as a guide, but I was flatly refusing. He was nice and told a rickshaw driver to take me to several temples; then he followed the rickshaw, eventually hoping in! I got decent vibes from him, even though he was a dirty, grubby Indian type (age, maybe mid-30’s). I figured Sai wasn’t about to let me leave so easily. After all, Vindaban & Goverdhan are the two places I associate most with Krishna, and the only two I really wanted to see.

The “mountain” is huge – but not in height! Rather, in width! It’s only like 7 feet high, but goes on for miles. Chunks of rocks is all it looks like. This is the “mountain” Krishna lifted to save the whole village from Indra’s wrathful rains??! The people who’ve made paintings of Krishna lifting a normal mountain perhaps have never seen the real one! There are many temples (small) built around it, having as the central alter the mountain itself! Krishna had started the worship of this mountain 5,000 years ago (which actually is why god Indra got so angry – because Krishna had told people to stop worshipping him and start worshipping he mountain instead.)

Well anyway, had a nice Darshan, ended up paying the “guide” 50 paisa (he wanted Rs 2) and had to wait one and a half or two hours for the bus back to Vrindaban. Had to move five times to different parts of the bus depot – some group or the other of curious men would surround me. I had to keep attempting to explain to them “Santhi Sanyasin” (me) and “Dharma” (none spoke any English - and that was the extent of my Hindi). Somehow they wanted to believe I was Mirabai, wanting me to do Hare Krishna japa and sing bhajans. Save me, Please!

Anyway, the fifth time leaving they all left & stayed away. But then a group of young beggar girls crowded around me, and kept begging for money (Indians usually give 5 or 10 paisas, but from foreigners they demand, “One rupee, one rupee!”). I refused and then they ended up reaching for the bhajan book on my lap I was reading; and physically tugging my finger to get the (spiritual-theme) ring off my finger. One of the guys who had been crowding around me before finally came and chased them off (three times before they stayed away). What to do!

I don’t know if I should be telling you all this but, Sai’s taking care of me and these are the facts of life in India for a foreigner. Sometimes I think the Indians have a better time staring at us then we have in seeing the country!

(June 8th) Tomorrow I think I go to Delhi. Haven’t been there yet you know. But I felt as if I have, maybe in a former lifetime. Om Sai Ram!

Today I left early morning to Agra – around 55 km south of Mathura. Saw the Taj Mahal – wonderful seeing it, after seeing pictures of it and hearing about the monument, for soo long. I saw it and it hit me like – PANG! – there it is! Huge, beautiful. I'm making it my only non-spiritual pilgrimage site. Sai had me to the roundabout route to the Taj, which took me right past the huge Agra Fort. But I didn’t go in cuz – hey, forts are boring, plus I had promised myself only the Taj to be my non-spiritual site for seeing. In the Taj, I went down to the crypt where the king and his wife were buried. It was cool (as in temperature) down there. Many people walked around the tombs doing pradakshina, as a sign of respect. Of course, the art was beautiful with all the delicate carvings, but I'm sorry I can't give you any more details than that – you know how I don't really notice art! I also went up to the roof where kids were playing in the various towers and people mulled about, watching the other people below who were going into the Taj.

Well I guess that’s about all for now, I have to pack. I’ll keep you informed, if you don’t consider all this too boring that is! :-)

Om Sai Ram,

Love,

Indian Child

Eileen