The Book

Chapter 32

            But seeing as that failed, I have to accept it and try to move on.  And moving on…Ha. Next joke please.  In my time apart from him, I realized that I have a lot more extra time than I thought.  I then thought back to my time with him.  If I wasn’t in my dorm doing homework or going to my lectures, I was with him in some way, shape or form. Either I would physically be with him, texting him, or talking on the phone with him.

            But that hasn’t happened in a while.  And you know what they say, old habits die hard.

            Alex had been sensing something was off with me since I came back from Louis’ flat that night.  I ended up staying the night with him, not being able to leave his side just in case something happened to him.  I left in the early hours of the morning with Louis’ flat as quiet as a library and as messy as a dump.

            Alex was asleep when I returned, which I couldn’t be more thankful for.  But ever since that morning when she found me lying halfway off the couch she’s had her suspicions.  At first, she would just give me a cautious look.  But now she’s been more upfront and vocal about me talking about my problems.

             “You know nothing good will come out of you keeping it all bottled up.”

            “I know." 

            “I’m here for you.  You know that, don’t you?”

             “Yes.”

            “He’ll come around.  I know it.”

             “Sure.”

            “He’s just Harr…”

            “Please just leave me alone.”

            That is how most of my conversations with Alex have been for the past five days when she would try and bring him into the topic.  It’s a very taboo topic in the Baker-Thompson dorm.  Boys were a very taboo topic in the Baker-Thompson dorm if we’re going into specifics.

            “And you happened to not tell me this because…” Alex had her hand promptly on her hip.

            I shrugged my shoulders and turned the page in my book. “Didn’t think much of it.”  With my free time, I have had a lot more time to read.  I’m enjoying it very much actually.

            “His life was finished before it had a chance to begin.” Is a sentence in my handy dandy book that spoke to me on different levels, “Johnny knew he was doomed and accepted it.  Katie wouldn’t accept it.”

             Those two sentences were true.  Hopefully the first one was partially true on some level with him.  Instead of talking about his life, I could talk about our life.  With being with him for the past couple months; I gave up some of my privacy. Girls of all ages were recognizing me and following me wherever I went.  I gave it up.  And before we even had the chance to begin something more, it was all over. 

            Hopefully Harr…He, felt like something was taken away from him too.  Not in a way that a cynical mind might think, but rather an emotional person.  Did he feel like we were getting somewhere and now we’re nowhere.  We’re not even at square one; we’re past it and in the middle of nowhere.  I don’t know where we stand, everything was left a mess.

            Alex rolled her eyes at my carelessness, “How could you happen to not think much of it Maddy?!”

            I continued to flip through my pages and think of the last sentence.  Johnny was doomed.  Was he really doomed?  Or was it just a lie Francie made up so they wouldn’t have to handle the truth?