Glasses || zustin au

diecisiete

Zayns Pov:

One Week Later.

I feel like shit.

Not because of the headache I'm suffering from, but because of what I've been doing.

Ever since the last time Justin and I had sex, I've been purposely avoiding him. I've been avoiding his calls, text, and avoided going to the coffee shop. I'm surprised he hasn't been by my house or job considering he knows where both of them are at.

When we last saw each other, it was when we both woke up after having sex. It was a little weird, to be quite honest. Not long after we woke up, he left because his mom had work. We shared an awkward kiss, awkward on my part, and he left.

And that was the last time I saw and talked to him.

I had already forgiven Justin for brushing off my feelings for him, but now it was me. All of these insecurities and doubts are clogging up my mind. Now that I actually got Justin, whatever we got going on, should I have him? Should we be doing whatever the hell that we got going on? Hell, are we even going anywhere?

As much as I don't want to believe this, and as much as I believe this is bullshit, I couldn't help but believe it. I believe that I'm stripping Justin of things - things like his free time, his future, and most important, his teenage years. He just turned eighteen, and he's still in high school. He hopefully has plans to go to college, and I'll just be holding him back. He should be enjoying his teenage years without me bothering and holding him back. He should be out with his friends, having the time of his life, hell, being a fucking teen. I know when I was a teenager the last thing on my mind was in a relationship.

Not like I was ever in one. Just an occasional hookups.

And it always ended up with the person I'm hooking up with catching feels for me when I made it clear I wasn't looking for a relationship.

I'm a grown man. Justin is getting involved with a grown man.

It's just wrong.

Justin should be falling in love with someone his own age, not somebody that's five years older than him and can prohibit his growing process.

But something within me told me that those aren't the real reasons I'm acting like this.

But that couldn't be the case. Those are the real reasons why I'm acting like this.

I shouldn't allow my feelings to get in the way of Justin having a good life. Without me holding him back, I know he's going to be able to do wonderful things. He's a great person, he puts others before him for the most part, he's hard-working - fuck I know I should leave him alone. Justin deserves it.

Even if it destroys my happiness.

-

I let out a sigh as I sat in my study chair in front of my iMac, finishing up responding to emails. Today is Friday, and I had the day off. All day, all I've been doing is laying down in bed, watching television or on my Macbook. It wasn't until three hours ago, one pm when my hunger got the best of me and I decided to get up to get something to eat. After I fixed me something and finished eating, I cleaned up around the house.

While doing that, the idea of moving crosses my mind. I live in this big, two-story house by myself, and I barely use any of the many rooms in it. My parents helped me pick a place out, and that's why it was so big. Its one of those situations where you have money so you'd want to buy big things with it. But now, I realize that because you have money you don't have to spend it instantly. I would be way more comfortable in a smaller house or an apartment.