Law And Order: SVU Imagines

Come What May - Sonny Carisi

"You okay?” He asked, his eyes staring into hers. She tried taking a deep breath, only taking small shallow ones.

 "Yeah. Probably the allergies.“ If only that was the case. Oh, how she wished that was all. About two months later, after the cough persisted and was accompanied by chest pains, even more shortness of breath and loss of appetite, Y/N thought that something more could be wrong. When she was caught hunching over the toilet, bright red liquid spewing from her mouth, Sonny made her go to the hospital. The two of them sat in the waiting room for several hours before they could see a doctor. Sonny mumbled under his breath about their timing. Y/N tried to chuckle along but a string of coughs originating deep in her chest caused he to stop.

"Y/N Y/L/N?” The doctor walked in shortly after Y/N was put in a room. After receiving several tests, including a CT and x-ray, the diagnosis came back. “…stage 3 small-cell lung cancer.”

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn’t seem like such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there’s no mountain too high

 No river to wide

Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side

Y/N didn’t want chemotherapy. She always claimed that it would ultimately make her sicker. And that wasn’t how she wanted to go. Laying in her bed at home, she embraced the silence that was around her. But, sometimes, that isn’t the best idea. She thought about her future. Or the future that she would’ve had. Sonny was her life. He was everything to her. She remembered the dejected, terrified look on his face when she stated that she didn’t want to begin treatment right away. Their relationship hadn’t been quite the same. Sonny would leave for work earlier than usual and Y/N would stay in bed all day, only getting up for the occasional bathroom breaks. That’s only because she refused to have a bedpan.

“Doll?” The familiar voice called. He sounded skittish. Y/N hummed in response, trying to control her breathing. Sonny walked further into the bedroom, smiling weakly.

 "How was-?“ She coughed again. "How-?” And again. “How was your d-?” And again. Sonny grabbed the water bottle off of the desk table and handed it to her. He wanted to be supportive. He wanted to be the good fiancé. The one who loved and cherished his woman. But he couldn’t seem to support this particular choice.

 "It was fine.“ He answered. He couldn’t bare seeing her in pain. The silence was overbearing as always. Especially for Sonny. He climbed into bed next to Y/N, careful not to disturb anything. She cuddled into him. She was cold and not normal cold. No. A different kind of cold. Laying in the position, Y/N realized that this was what she fought for. She fought her parents for this man. She fought the universe and it’s sick and twisted ways for this long. Why stop now? She had to keep going. She was at least going to marry Sonny.

Storm clouds may gather

 And stars may collide

But I love you

Until the end of time

It was brutal. The constant puking and fatigue was something that she couldn’t handle. Or so she thought. Sonny support helped, though. Each treatment that she got, every single appointment, he attended. The two hadn’t married yet, however. Sonny wanted to wait until Y/N was healthy but Y/N could care less. She’d be alright with marrying in the hospital. And that’s what she was trying to convince him to do.

 "It’ll be-” She wheezed a bit. “It’ll be simple. And-And cheap.” Her voice was hoarse. Terribly hoarse. Sonny smiled at her and grabbed her hand in a comforting manner.

“Once you get better-”

“What if I don’t?” She wheezed. The silence reappeared suddenly and Sonny actually considered finding an officiant in the hospital and marrying this woman in the cancer ward. “Wait here.” He decided. Walking out into the halls, he tried to find the front desk. Somewhere where he could ask. Meanwhile, Y/N’s doctor walked in. He seemed to be wielding good news. At least that’s what the smile on his face seemed to say.

“The cancer cells are beginning to shrink, Ms. Y/L/N. You have a pretty good chance at full recovery.” As soon as he was there, he was gone and off to the next patient. Y/N knew that this was a blessing. One day, she’d die. Everyone dies. But she knew now that it wouldn’t be anytime soon. When she seen Sonny walking into the ward with who she thought was an officiant, her smile grew. Two good things in one day. It doesn’t get any better than that.