Our Sinking Bodies

03.

"Is this thing on?" I hold the podium with one hand and tap the microphone with the other. The speakers make a screeching noise, causing everyone to wince at the unpleasant sound.

"Sorry," I apologize, already screwing this up.

I look out into the sea of black. The gloom that was in the air sent a shiver down my spine. I slowly licked my lips, trying to gain comfort as I stood on the little wooden stage.

I clear my throat before I begin. "Hi," I say slowly. My voice echoes throughout the room.

I was never really good at public speaking. The one time I had to do and improvised speech for drama and I threw up a bit in my mouth. You know what I'm talking about, the times where you have to swallow what you regurgitated and it burns your oesophagus on its way back down. You can feel the acid sizzle in your throat and that foul taste is in your mouth for the remainder of the day.

I look out at the audience, causing my nerves to flare even more. I knew I had to speak soon. Before I could think of any wise words, my idiotic brain took over my mouth.

"Friendship or no friendship? That is the question" I spread my arms out as if I was some preacher.

Oh boy. Was I trying to be fucking Hamlet?

"Friendship is what binds us all together in one way or another. We are friends with our neighbours, friends with our family, friends with our teachers, and most importantly, friends with our friends." I just kept on rambling. I can see Mrs and Mr Smith force smiles at me from the front row, and it makes me feel sick.

"Friendship is when you are friends with a friend, and a friend plus a friend equal friendship. It's the friendship equation!" What the hell was I saying?!

"Abigail was one heck-of-a-gal," I announce.

You got to be joking me. Please tell me this is all a dream.

"Her and I used to run around town, telling stories about our depiction of our future selves. I don't think either of us saw this one coming..." I trail off.

Oh shit. I did not just say that.

I look around at the disturbed audience. I look towards the back of the room where I see my mom. Her eyes were filled with worry and she rolled her wrist back and forth, gesturing for me to keep going.

"What I'm trying to say is..."

'What was I trying to say?' I asked myself.

"Abby was..."

The entry I read in her journal flashed in my mind.

Oh my god Alex just needs to shut up sometimes.

I guess this was my chance to shut up.

"I have made a slideshow in honour of Abigail and I's special connection that we had shared before she was-" I caught myself before I could say anymore.

I turn towards my laptop. Before I could press play, I hear a voice echo quietly from the back of the room.

"That was her best friend?"

My heart dropped into my stomach. I was trying to hold back tears.

Maybe Abby was right after all,

I am pathetic.

"Would you shut up!" I hear Harry yell from behind.

I turn around to see Harry standing up in the row where the Smiths sat. His parents, from across the room, were signalling for him to sit back down. He looked at me and then turned towards the audience.