High School SweetHearts [COMPLETED✔️]

22

     18 months together and a day, things went down hill. He stood by my side and then, he just ended it out of the blues We spent a few hours together, he helped me when I was down after we weren't spending time together. And then, it just happened. We weren't together anymore. It was a rainy day when he came home for leave. I felt devastated. I felt hopeless. I felt like my world fell apart. I felt like when the world was ending, I fell into a black hole. A very deep hole and I was continuously going to fall because who knew how deep that hole was. 

     But I knew how deep my feelings are for Justin. What ever happened to promising me he would be here for me? What ever happened to becoming his wife one day? What ever happened to not wanting to lose me or break up with me because he couldn't want that to happened? What ever happened to all our time that we spent together and all the conversations we had about spending time together in the future? What ever happened to us? We were so good together even with the ups and downs. What ever happened to saying 'I love you' over and over and over again. What happened? 

     The next two months have been so hard on me. My depression came back. My anxiety came back. I wasn't the same person I was when I was with Justin. I went back to being the shy, independent girl who had no friends to talk to or hang out with. My roommate is not really my best friend or anything. She still likes to party and everyone wants to be like her. How did the rooming advisor match our results together? 

     I've spent many days crying, weeping, thinking, overthinking, pushing people away. I want no part in talking to anybody because if they pushed me away, why should I try even harder to push myself to them? All I kept doing was tortured myself by reading his letters and looking at the necklace. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I cried reading those letters and I had to make sure I had a box of tissues. I remember the day I said goodbye to him when he was leaving for boot camp and I looked through all of our photos and the memories we incorporated together. I remembered it all. I can't help it. I'm a girl, of course I'll remember the little things that happened because it never really happened to me especially with a guy or my boyfriend for that matters. 

     I couldn't believe this. We had to cancel our beach day that we planned on going later that week. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't see him. I couldn't even say goodbye before he had to go back to work. I couldn't even tell him 'I love you' or 'I'll see you later'. I couldn't do or say the things I was used to saying when Justin and I were a thing. And I miss it, to be honest. 

      Derek knew what was going on and tried to help me. He told me that it sounded like that he got to say how I felt but I couldn't put it into words how I felt. He suggested that I should text him, giving him no choice but to tell him how I feel. Make him want to talk. Make him hear what you have to say. You have to put him in your shoes and make him understand how you feel. It sounds like you both love each other still and you want to work things out. Tell him everything you wanted to tell him that day. Pour your heart into it. Tell him. 

     And just like that, I opened my messages app, tapped on his new name, 'Justin' as his contact name, and texted him my true feelings about us. About how I feel about him.