Shape of You

Chapter 20

They were a perfect match. I couldn't help but wonder if Cassian and I looked like that.

I grabbed my sister's hand as we stood up and Cassian fell back to stand with Az. We walked in together, Feyre beaming through her exhaustion. She looked tired and worn down but even in this moment she looked beautiful, holding the tiny little bundle in her arms. He had dark hair, hair from his father. But when he opened his eyes, they matched ours.

"He's beautiful," I whispered as I touched his cheek, "oh Feyre. I'm so happy for you."

"His name is Ash. Ash meet your aunts." I smiled down at him, so full of love and adoration I couldn't tear my eyes away. Feyre held him up towards me, "take him."

I lifted the baby into my arms and then Cassian was beside me. There were tears in his eyes as I bounced the boy lightly. He didn't cry, he looked up at me in wonder. He was so innocent, so full of potential that my heart squeezed inside my chest. This was the wonders of the world, a tiny baby entering the world.

A lump formed in my throat as I looked up at Cassian, his eyes as wide and as full of light as mine. Maybe this was what we were all searching for. Maybe this was where we were all supposed to end up. Holding the hope of a better future in our hands. In they eyes and the smile of a new born baby.

I looked back down at him and he smiled, "hi. You're beautiful, Ash. And you are strong. You're lucky you got your parents."

Cassian put his hand under mine as I turned to face him. He let out a breath, "he's so cute," his deep voice was soft, Ash's eyes searching for him as he spoke, "I want one."

I laughed, Feyre and Rhys laughing with me. My eyes found Cassian's and I blushed, "well. One day."

He leaned in and kissed me before I handed the baby to Elain. Az came over and they shared a moment with our new nephew. Feyre was crying as she watched her son introduce himself to all the new and important people on his life. It was truly a beautiful moment. Rhys held her hand, half sitting on the bed with her.

"He's so lucky," I heard him whisper, "he's already loved by so many."

She nodded, her eyes finding mine, "yeah. He is."

The nurse came in once Elain gave him back and told Feyre it was time to try feeding him. Cassian all but ran out the door, Rhys laughing loudly at his pale face. I kissed my sister and then my nephew and told her we would be back to see him again tomorrow after we all got some sleep.

Her eyes fell on my hand, "I'm sorry I messed up your night."

I kissed her forehead, "you didn't mess anything up, Fey. All we were going to do was have dinner. But you! You just had a baby!"

She shrugged, "call me later. After tonight."

"Okay."

It was like she knew something I didn't. I sighed as I said goodbye to everyone else, hugging Rhys, and then I found Cassian outside the room. He took my hand and we made our way back home.

"Ash is so cute," I said in the car, "the perfect blend of Fey and Rhys."

Cassian kissed the back of my hand, "yeah he really is."

"Earlier when I told you that I never wanted kids, that was the truth. I never thought I would want them. But now," I shrugged thinking about my sleepy declaration a few hours ago, "I don't want just anyone's kids. I think I can see myself having your kids."

He looked at me and I smiled. I leaned against his arm and I felt his lips against the top of my head. Cassian drove slowly through the night, as if we had all the time in the world. And we did now that Tomas was truly gone.

His trial had lasted forever. I had to testify, I had to tell my story to the jury. In the end that's what got him a longer sentence. The fact that I had almost died, my retelling of the horrors and the pictures they had taken at the hospital. The only reason I made it through that week, the longest week of my life, was because I had Cassian beside me the entire time.

Once he was sentenced, we stopped talking about Tomas. We moved on and our lives belonged to us once again. Every so often I had a nightmare. I would wake up and Cassian would have to calm me down, promising me it wasn't real. But I was still healing and we both knew one day I wouldn't ever dream about him again.

The house was quiet when we got back. I smiled at my boyfriend. This was our home, our life. My sister just had a baby. My sisters were back in my life. I was more than happy at where my life had ended up.

"Nesta," Cassian said my name softly before I went to the bedroom to change. I pulled my dress off and swapped it out for my favorite shirt of his. I couldn't sleep in anything else. It was soft and fit perfectly against my body. It smelled like him, and when the smell faded I made him wear it for a day and then give it back to me. He was my home, this shirt was my reminder of that.

I sighed as he called for me again. When I turned I found him staring at me. His hands were in his pockets, but there was something weird about his gaze.

"I um. I had this big night planned before Feyre called. But now I realize this is perfect, you standing here in our home. Wearing my shirt. I don't need a big fancy dinner to do this," he seemed nervous and ran his hand through his hair. He took a step forward, "Nesta. This was always just a house to me until you moved in."

I smiled as he closed the gasp between us and took my hand. I stayed quiet as he went on, "our love story is one that doesn't make sense. But it's ours. I love you Nesta. Even when we fight there's no one else I'd rather make up with. You're my heart, my soul, my warrior. I don't need everyone to know that, or have everyone here to declare my love for you."

My eyes filled with tears, "Cass."

"Shh," he gave me that crooked smile, "for my entire life I've tried to become better. My parents never cared. You've seen the scars. I never thought someone could love me, not when my own parents tried so hard to break me. But then I met you and our hearts and our souls knew we would need each other. So I guess what I'm trying to ask you is," he knelt down on one knee, "will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

I gasped, my hands flying to my mouth. Cassian was holding a beautiful diamond ring in his hand. The light scattered across the room as it caught on the stones. It looked old, as if it had a story that had been told and was going to hold ours now too. I couldn't stop the laugh, the tears as I nodded my head.

"Yes. Yes I'll marry you."

He slipped the ring on my finger and I pulled him into me. I kissed him hard, my arms going around his neck. When he pulled back Cassian looked like a little boy who had gotten everything he could ever possibly want.

"You know this means you're stuck with me," I whispered between kisses. He wrapped his arms around my waist, his smile as big as mine, "I'm your mess now."

He laughed against me, "I think I'm okay with that. I love you, my beautiful little mess."

"I never thought we'd end up here," I whispered brushing my thumb over his bottom lip. My eyes searching his for any fears. When I didn't find any I knew this was the man I was supposed to be with. Always and forever, "but I'm sure glad we did."

"Me too sweetheart. Me too."

I kissed him softly. My ring sparkled in the light of the dining room. It was beautiful and I couldn't tear my eyes from it. He had done amazing, he was amazing. I was truly in awe of the man who had just asked me to be his wife. The man who wanted to spend his life with me.

I never knew where my life was going. But now I was happy, now I knew nothing else mattered as long as Cassian was still beside me. If he was here with me then I knew that life would be more than just beautiful; it would be perfect.