Shape of You

Chapter 12

It didn't hurt as much at work, surrounded by books. Even though the day was dragging and I felt like time would never move forward. It still hurt, that crack in my heart had gotten bigger but it wasn't throbbing when I could focus on something other than what had happened. When I could look at the books and pretend like my life wasn't falling apart. It was slightly easier to breathe, but I knew when I went home the numbness would fade.

And the pain would return.

When I woke up Feyre was still there. She had crawled into bed with me and stayed, trying to help ease my pain. I wasn't any nicer to her. I was worse and I knew it was wrong. Because she didn't have to stay. She didn't have to try and help me.

But she did. Because for some reason Feyre always cared more than us. She always tried harder. And that made this whole thing worse. It made my heart hurt worse. It made the break ache even more than before.

Because it reminded me of all those years ago when she used to hold my hand and we all slept in a bed together. When we were poor and cold and our father didn't give a damn about us. It was Feyre who kept us warm, who kept the clothes on our backs. It was Feyre who sang Elain a lullaby so she could sleep.

And it was Feyre who was trying so hard to mend my broken heart. My broken world. 

Today all I wanted to do was snap at her. I was done crying so now my grief had turned to anger. I was angry at the world and my little sister was in my path.

Feyre left when I went to get ready for work. She hugged me tightly and promised it would get better. I knew she wanted to tell me to talk to Cassian, but right now I couldn't. She knew that too so she didn't push that on me. She was just there for me. Promising to call me later to check up.

I was seven hours into my shift and the hollowness in my chest was still there.

"Nesta can you go fill the displays up front before you go?" My manger had a V cart in front of her and I nodded. I hadn't talked at all today, too afraid I'd lose it in front of my co workers.

I pushed the cart up front and saw it was raining. It had been raining all day. A gloomy day to match my gloomy mood. I sighed and turned towards the best seller bay and started to put the books out where they went. I stood by the doors as the rain fell. The door opened and someone's umbrella splashed me with water.

"Hey. I'd really like to stay dry thank you," I turned around ready to glare at whoever it was who got me wet. Instead my stomach dropped when I found the last person I thought I would see standing there.

"You're supposed to tell me the books don't want to get wet either." He wore that crooked smile that even now made my knees weak.

I glared at him, "get out Cassian."

"Nesta please," he reached for my hand but I pulled away, "give me a chance to explain."

"What's there to explain Cass? You played the part so well that even I fell for us. And now I get to mend my broken heart."

He shook his head, "I came to see you. I can't stay away, Nesta."

I bit my lip, "I suppose you're here for the money. I have to be honest I don't really have $500 to give you."

"I don't want your money, Nesta. I want to explain. To prove to you this wasn't a game to me. Please, I knew you'd have to listen here at work."

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow. Cassian was quiet, watching me, waiting for me to shoot him down yet again. I wasn't sure I wanted to, I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to listen, but I wanted to push him away even more. The rain kept falling, the only sound I could hear was the pattern it made on the roof. I barely noticed other people trying to get around us. All I could see was the person who had shattered my heart. The boy who had whispered pretty promises.