Fire and Freedom - Book One of the Café Latte Trilogy

Chapter Eighteen - Ross

"I'm fine, she's a wreck," I said. "I've been running around trying to help her without having to see him, and it's been an absolute nightmare. I haven't had a spare goddamn minute to talk to Jasper, let alone talk about something so huge."

"You don't want to see your father?" Harper asked. I knew he didn't mean it in a judgemental way, that he was just checking to see if I was avoiding him for the right reasons, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

"Not unless I want him to have another heart attack," I muttered.

Harper sighed. "You could have at least told Jasper you were having a personal problem."

"I know," I groaned, and said, "I was avoiding the conversation. I don't like talking about my dad, or my feelings, and this required talking about both of them. That's why I've been dodging everyone's calls - I haven't even been looking at my phone half of the time."

Pulling up a chair, Harper looked torn between feeling sorry for me and giving me a lecture. He settled for the latter. "Ross," he said firmly. "I know you have a mountain of issues to sort through and process. But I also know you're not exactly trying hard." When I gaped at him, he continued, "No, don't look at me like that. You know you put up the 'this is who I am, deal with it' façade rather than actually try to improve yourself."

"Jesus," I put my head in my hands. "Don't pull punches or anything, Harper."

"Hey, I'm not sugar coating anything here," Harper snorted. "Everyone around you is constantly pretending like it's alright that you're nearing thirty and haven't even tried to sort through your experience of your relationship with your parents and the effect that had on you. I'm not buying into your bullshit, Ross, I know it's hurt you."

I cringed away from the emotional conversation. "Yeah, it did. They hurt me a lot, but I can't change the past - I just want to make sure I'm not hurt in the future. But I don't owe my father anything, including going to see him in hospital."

"I know," Harper replied. "And you don't have to, at all. But he's been trying to reach out since your mother died, right?"

"Right," I said reluctantly.

"Maybe it'd be okay to just talk to him about how he hurt you," Harper shrugged. "It might help you process it a little bit. If you don't think that'd be safe, then that's okay too. You should absolutely get a therapist, that would be good for you. You earn enough."

"I guess," I said dejectedly.

"But the main point," Harper eyed me sternly, "is not to shut everyone out around you. Especially the day after you tell someone you want to see them more regularly."

I sighed, and we sat in silence for a bit, until I finally acknowledged what he was saying. "Jasper still at yours?"

"Yeah, I left him sleeping," Harper nodded. "I'm going to get back soon and drive him to school, though."

"I'll take him," I replied, getting up from the chair and walking towards my bedroom. "And before you start getting anxious, no I'm not mad at you, and yes, I needed to hear it."

I heard Harper give an audible sigh of relief.

*****

Jasper and I rode in silence for a little while. I could tell he was mildly irritated with me, but didn't want to say anything in case it caused an argument. Hesitantly, I braced myself for the inevitable conversation, and said, "Sorry I've been MIA for the last few days."

Jasper stiffened slightly, but just said, "Everything been okay?"

"Not especially," I replied, and awkwardly continued, "Raven called just a little while before you did, and told me my father was in the hospital after a heart attack."