Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man in a Zombie Apocalypse. Days 201-400

Day 353: Monday 14th August 2017 20:32

https://www.facebook.com/lukesdiary/posts/331925540581759

Day 353
Monday 14th August 2017 20:32

Well I'm certainly feeling better than I did yesterday but we're still stuck in this bl**dy gay sauna. I'm starting to think that the infected that are blocking both exits are never going to leave.

I spoke to Mike today about him strangling TJ. "We keep ending up at the same place," I said, "Everything jerks coming back to you trying to kill someone." "He was laughing at me," said Mike, "He was winding me up." "You LET him wind you up," I said, "You need to start acting like a grown up and learn to ignore him." "It's hard," said Mike. "I know it is but you have to try," I replied, "I think you can make a start by saying sorry to TJ." Mike's eyes widened and he gave me a shocked look which implied my suggestion was ridiculous. "You've got to be the bigger person, Mike," I said, "If you do this I'll be really impressed." I was playing Mike but I was doing what I needed to do to keep the peace. I knew Mike wanted to impress me.

I spoke to Mike a bit more about getting on with TJ and he eventually (albeit reluctantly) agreed to apologise to him and shake his hand. We approached TJ who was sat on his own in the changing rooms playing with a bouncy ball he'd found. He looked up at us and unenthusiastically asked what we wanted. "Mike's got something to say," I said. "Really?" said TJ. I looked at Mike, raised my eyebrows and gave him some encouragement. He took a step forward and rolled his eyes in a reluctant manner. "Suppose I wanted to say sorry," said Mike. "What for?" asked TJ, "For generally being a nutter or for nearly killing me." Mike frowned. I could see him getting angry again. "For nearly killing you," Mike snapped. "TJ don't start being a d*ck," I said, "Mike's making an effort." "Really?" said TJ, "Doesn't seem like much of an effort to me. In fact if he put this much effort into assaulting me, I might not have nearly died the other day." "TJ, come on," I said, "Mike's said sorry, now you just say sorry, shake hands and then put it behind you." "Shake hands and say sorry?" exclaimed TJ with a giggle, "Are you on crack?  I'm not saying sorry to him. I've got nothing to say sorry for." "You wound him up!" I loudly said, "You know what he's like. God, it's like having kids. Did you want him to kill you or something?" "F*ck off," said TJ as he turned away. The penny suddenly dropped as a huge light bulb moment came over me. "Oh my God, that's it isn't?" I said, "You want to die." "F*ck off," snapped TJ. He then stood up and stormed off in a huff. "What's going on?" asked Mike, "Is he saying he WANTS me to kill him?" I told Mike not to worry about it and that I'd have a chat with TJ later. I also told him he was the bigger man for apologising and that I was proud of him. "Thanks," said Mike with a shy smile, "I'll try not to let my anger get the better of me again." "Well if it does, just remember what Courtney said about your little nephews." "Luke," said Mike, "Would you have picked me?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "Out of me and TJ," said Mike, "Would you have picked me? I mean, if I was a woman, would you pick me to be your wife?" I smiled at Mike and placed my hand on his shoulder. "If you were a woman," I said, "I'm sure you'd make a great wife." It was a weird thing to say but it kept Mike happy and put a smile on his face.

Matt had lots to say about our drunken antics. "So things got a bit out of hand didn't they," said Matt, "Mind you it must have been nice to have two strapping blokes fighting over you." "Not really," I said, "Let's just say Mike and TJ aren't my type. Anyway I don't really like fighting." "You sound tense, Nanna," said Matt, "Why don't you go and have a bit of c*ck fun with Panda. I know he'd like to play with your big boy bamboo." "Matt," I said in a stroppy tone, "I'm really not in the mood. Plus Panda is a million miles away from my type. Oh, and for the record TJ's right. I've got an embarrassingly small penis and a tragic personality to match." "Nanna, love," said Matt, "It's not your personality Panda wants to penetrate." "Well as lovely as that sounds," I sarcastically said, "I'll pass." "Well what was it like getting a snog off TJ?" asked Matt, "You've been there before haven't you?" "Yes, regrettably," I said. "Well I've seen him in those tight jeans," said Matt, "He's got a right elephant's trunk down there. I wouldn't mind him sticking his tongue down my throat. In fact I wouldn't mind him sticking his tongue anywhere. In fact I wouldn't mind him sticking anything anywhere." "Well this has been lovely," I said to Matt, "But I need to go chew on a piece of glass now." I then walked off. Matt is a nice enough guy but all the gay sex chat was getting on my nerves.

Later on I walked over to TJ who was sat in his cabin/bedroom on his own. "Oh f*ck off Nanna," he said, "I'm not in the mood." "What's going on with you?" I said. "Nothing," he snapped. "Well that's obviously b*llocks," I said, "You grabbed me and snogged me yesterday. That's not like you. Not enough beer in the world would make you kiss a guy – and picking a fight Mike. What's wrong with you?" "Look Nanna," snapped TJ, "You're not my Mum. I can do what I want." "I've figured it out though haven't I?" I said, "You want to die don't you? That's why you really snogged me; one, because you just don't care anymore and two, because you wanted to annoy Mike and goad him into having a go at you. That's why you tried to goad him into stabbing you back at the pub. It wasn't you standing up to him as part of some heated confrontation, you actually wanted him to kill you." TJ slowly started clapping with a bored and frustrated look on his face. "Well done Professor Know-it -all," he said, "What are you, some sort of psychologist all of a sudden?" "What the Hell happened with you and Mia out there?" I asked, "What could have been so bad it made you want to die?" TJ laughed. "Are you f*cking blind?" he said, "The world's gone to sh*t. It's f*cked up out there. Me and Mia had to run for our lives, we had no weapons, she had to jam her fingers in an infected woman's eye and destroy the brain – with her own fingers! I had to kill an infected kid. A kid, Luke. I had to smash his head into a brick wall. He was about six and I had to kill him. Have you any idea what that's like?" "Yes!" I loudly said, "I know exactly what that's like. Remember!?" There was a short silence. "There's no point in anything anymore," said TJ, "There's nothing to live for. We might as well all be dead." "You've got two kids," I said, "That's a lot more than some of us have got." "They're better off without me," said TJ, "You know that." "No," I said, "I know you THINK that. You avoid those kids because YOU think they're better off without you but you're wrong. Maybe deep down you think you'd have been better off without your Dad but that doesn't mean they're better off without you." "Whatever," said TJ dismissively. "Fine," I firmly said, "Just stay there and feel sorry for yourself. Forget about those two gorgeous kids you've got, forget about your brother; forget about all the people that are worried about you right now, just stay there all pathetic and self-pitying. You're not the only one who's had a hard time. The old TJ would be taking the p*ss out of me, making rude jokes and spouting some cr*p about shagging Katie Price." "The old TJ's gone," he snapped, "Now f*ck off." TJ slammed the door shut and I walked away feeling deflated.

Courtney approached me and asked if everything was OK. "I heard a bit of shouting," she said. "It's TJ," I said, "Half of me feels sorry for him but the other half wants to hit him in the face and tell him to snap out of it." "Is he p*ssed off because we might all think he's really gay?" asked Courtney. "It's a bit worse than that," I said, "I think he's had enough." "Of what?" asked Courtney. "Of being alive," I said, "He was goading Mike into killing him." "What a tool," said Courtney, "There are people out there that would give their right arm for their loved ones to come back and that plank wants to end his own life. I'll talk to him." I told Courtney to just leave him and give him some space. I thought he needed to be alone for a bit.

The rest of the day was rather quiet and thankfully uneventful. Matt and the others are really worried about Daz and I heard them saying they should ask one of us if we'd mind going to look for him. Part of me thinks what a bunch of cheeky sods they are but another part of me feels guilty as we're the ones that killed him in the first place.