Event in Progress

Chapter Twenty-Three

And still God did nothing.

McKnight had struggled with his faith for so long, not faith in God but faith in the goodness of God. He knew that God was good by definition, but He had a funny way of showing it to mankind. McKnight knew that sovereignty was a difficult concept, but he affirmed it mentally. He affirmed it as much as he knew how to spiritually too. And yet God did nothing.

Sean was adrift on an ocean of despair crying out for help. He recalled the words from Psalm 22: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" It wasn't just from Psalm 22 of course. Jesus had quoted that very Psalm before He died, ignored by God too.

McKnight rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight. Almost Independence Day.

He lay down on his bed and wept.

* * *

The morning sun streamed through his window. Sean pushed himself out of bed and went to the bathroom. When he was finished, he examined himself in the mirror again. He still looked horrific and he couldn't bear the sight. He climbed in the shower, dried off, and applied lots of deodorant and cologne.

It was only ten. He had two hours to wait until meeting Christine at the park, and the Raven's Tail Café wouldn't even be open for him to get coffee to kill the time. He sat at his computer but the block was still in place. He didn't want to write anything at all.

That wasn't true. He did want to write, but he didn't know what to write. There was something that needed to be said because he could feel it on the inside. But it was no longer what would be contained by Insomniac. He had almost written a novel but this one might not ever be finished. Not that it mattered: he wasn't planning on ever showing it to anyone.

McKnight powered down his computer. The sudden silence in the room was depressing. It made him feel suffocated, as if the demon had left the machine and was circling around to invade another appliance. He had to get out.

So he went to the park early. He sat there in the middle of the park and watched as some of the local high school kids played Frisbee and football. The football made him think of his old school, and he looked away from them quickly. He focused on a couple of cute girls-college aged (he hoped). What little they wore didn't hide much.

"Sean McKnight, you watch your eyes!"

He jumped at the sound, blinked, and checked his watch. "You're early."

"So are you." Christine smiled and sat next to him. "Trish and Loren were up until three this morning. And I'm used to getting up at four. I only got about an hour of sleep."

"Welcome to my world." Sean laughed a little. "Trust me, you don't want to stay in it long."

"Nah. But I figured since I was up, I might as well go for a little walk. I saw you come in to the park and figured I might as well hang out with you."

"So I'm the consolation prize, eh?" He winked at her to show he was joking, although he really wasn't.

"So."

"So indeed."

"How's your therapy going?"

"Can we not talk about it?"

She shrugged. "We can talk about whatever you want to talk about."

"In that case, I want to talk about fractals."