Broken Strings

C H A P T E R F I F T E E N

Ryan would know something was wrong with her. And she was afraid he would ask what was.

But Ryan was quieter. He didn't say everything or anything that was on his mind. He was observant. And she was afraid he would figure out what was wrong with her.

Ryan was too much like his father. He judged too quickly and he easily pushed everyone away from him.

But he was still young and her son. And Anisha knew that he did love her. He just didn't know to say it or express it.

But still she was shocked when he had knocked on her door. Could he really be concerned with her well-being?

"I can't. I have a doctor's appointment today." It was true. Usually her check-up appointments were every other week. It was always the same: a blood test and then a list of newly discovered medications that could work. But never did.

But these appointments were a routine. And they had been for a while now.

After last night Sebastian had demanded she come in and see him today. He would probably push for her to have another blood transfusion. But this would be her third one just in the last few weeks. And quite honestly, she didn't know how much longer she could fight.

Because she was honestly really tired, tired of all of it.

Because despite how much she wanted to hold on, she knew she it wasn't possible. It would be a lot easier if she could just let go. And she didn't want to suffer anymore.

This time though, she needed to know how long she had left.

Last week, Sebastian had told her she had at least six months left. But she knew that was a lie. Because she could always tell when Sebastian was lying.

She always knew she didn't have that long left. But she just wanted to know how long. How long did she even have left?

"Mom, are you um okay? Last night, you looked sick and the nosebleed?" And Ryan didn't only want to know whether his mother was okay or not. He wanted to know what exactly was wrong with her. He wanted to know what 'it' was. He wanted to know what the two large pills had been for.

"I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I was really tired last night. And it was just a little nosebleed, nothing to worry about. I just have a normal check-up today." She smiled softly, the lie easily escaping her lips. He had to believe her, he had to.

It was the question she was afraid he would ask. But she couldn't answer truthfully. She couldn't tell him that she was sick.

She didn't want to tell Andrew. She didn't want to tell Ryan. She didn't want to tell Mira.

She didn't want anyone to know how sick she was. She didn't want them to worry.

But she also didn't want them to know because she was selfish. She was selfish and she knew that everything would be harder if they knew the truth.

Giving up would be harder. Letting go would be harder. Stopping would be harder.

It would be harder for her if they knew the truth because then she would want to live and try to get better. But she couldn't. Because she already had tried everything.

If they knew, the end would be more painful for Anisha. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to suffer and cry anymore.

She just wanted a few days of happiness.

"But today is my final game. Please Mom. You have to come." Ryan smiled slightly, hoping that maybe his mother would agree and watch his soccer game.