INCOMPLETE DONT READ

Chapter 18- Walking and Talking, But Why?

I ran out the door. It was snowing lightly and I spotted Noelle. "Wait!" I yelled. She stood there looking at me.

"Well come on!" she shouted back. I ran to her and I held out my hand. She grabbed it and asked, "Are you coming home with me?"

"Yeah, sure. I want to spend a lot of time with you before you go to New York," I sighed. "I know it's for a few days, but I just wanna spend time with you."

"Okay," she laughed nervously.

 "So you okay? You were pretty silent there."

"I am, but I don't like to think about the future, whether it be tomorrow, next week, or next month."

"I don't either and I'm sorry about your grandmother."

She stopped walking to set her position to face me. "Cameron, I-- I don't want to talk about it. I can't even go to the hospital and see her because I know I'll just start breaking down the second I see her heartbeat on the machine stop. When it's a continuous long beep and it goes straight is the second I will break down and blame doctors for not trying their hardest even though she was going to die anyway. One of those doctors being my mother. I just can't look at someone knowing they're supposed to die within the time span of two days. It's too harsh," she sobbed.

"Let your feelings out," I confidently said. "Say everything you've been meaning to say."

"Cameron, I--"

"Talk the night away. You're sad, let it out," I yelled.

"I'm too scared because I experienced that with my best friend. I was there when she died knowing I could do nothing but watch her. I remember telling her I would kill her if she didn't survive because I didn't want to go through high school alone," she chuckled while wiping her tears. "You know, even if the person is going to die, and the doctors know it, they still perform CPR and do whatever they can."

"Why?"

"So they can tell the patient's family they did everything they could. I want to save lives when I grow up, you know? Just like my mom. I want the feeling of joy and happiness knowing you saved someone's life, because whether the person is a criminal or a saint, I believe no one should die other than old age," she cried.

"You're amazing and I-- don't deserve you," I stuttered. She was this sad girl who went through too much but still managed to get up every single day, carrying all the tragedies and situations she has been through. She was strong.

"You're amazing, Cameron. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you," she nodded. "Thank you for this talk, I'll see you soon," she concluded our conversation after we arrived at her house.

Noelle's POV

I waved Cameron goodbye and entered my house. "Mom? Dad? Hello?" I called to see if anyone was home. No one answered, so I was just home alone.

It was 11pm and I forgot to finish my essay on Pride and Prejudice and I had to study for my AP Biology test so I proceeded to my room. I turned on the lamp only, leaving my room very dim. Something was telling me I wasn't going to sleep tonight.

Cameron's POV

It was 2am and I got a suspicious call from Noelle's mother. "Hello?" I said into the phone, trying my best not to groan.

"Cameron, Noelle's grandmother passed away just now. I have to tell Noelle, but if it isn't too late, can you come over? You calm her down and I can't because I've been a terrible mother lately. I haven't been spending much time with her due to my work at the hospital, so if you could, come home?" she requested.

"Yes, Dr. Forbes, anything for Noelle," I respsonded with worry building up in my brain for Noelle. I told my mom I was leaving and ran to my car.

I entered my car and turned the heat on and drove to her house as fast as I could. The 20 minute drive I turned into 10.

I spotted her mother in the driveway in her doctor/surgeon scrubs ready to enter the house. "Thank you, Cameron. She's going to hear me enter so follow me as I go into her bedroom. She's awake," Dr. Forbes said as she noticed Noelle's lights on from the window outside.

I followed her mother into her room. I saw a glimpse of Noelle in her room. She looked exhausted with books and papers stacked in front of her.

"Noelle. . ." her mother began.

"No," Noelle sternly replied. She knew her grandmother had died.

"I'm sorry. . ." her mother apologized. Noelle sobbed and pushed everything off her desk due to frustration and sadness. "Someone is here for you, Noelle. Please, I'm--"

"--I want to be alone. I don't want to see anyone," Noelle screamed pushing more papers onto the ground turning her neat bedroom into a pile of madness. "Get out."

"I'm sorry baby," her mother cried as well as she closed Noelle's bedroom door. We walked downstairs and took a seat on the couch. "You know, my mother, Noelle's grandmother, practically raised Noelle."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Forbes, for your loss," I offered my condolences. "So about Noelle being raised by her grandmother?"

"I was always busy. Noelle was always at the hospital waiting for me when she was little. Her first word was 'surgeon'. But who watched her at the hospital? My mom. My mom was also a surgeon but she worked at night so during the day when I worked, she watched Noelle. She, my mom, was Noelle's idol. Of course Noelle looked up to me as a figure, but nothing compared to the way she looked up to her grandmother. She was nice, I'm mean. She was caring, I'm not. She-- she is who Noelle wants to be one day and I see that in her, you know?" she teared up. I realized not only was Noelle sad because of her grandmother's death, but also because that was her role model and the one who raised her.

"Yes, doctor. Noelle is-- driven. Earlier today she told me she wants to be a doctor to save lives, to have the feeling of saving someone's someone."

"She wants to be a doctor because of her grandmother. God, I'm a terrible mother."

"She said she wanted to be a doctor because of you."

Her mother smiled, "Good night Cameron. Thank you, I think you should get going now. It's nearly 3am. Drive safe."

"Good night Dr. Forbes. Always remember that your daughter looks up to you too. And again, I'm sorry for your loss."

I drove home with one thing on my mind and it was how Noelle was feeling.