Lie Again

The Pebble

There was a smallish pebble on the sidewalk, and Ziva gave it a good kick. It skittered along a few meters before coming to a stop.

What on earth had Tony been thinking?

Okay, it was probably more like he hadn't been thinking. It was probably only a slip of the tongue, but it still really peeved her that he'd be careless enough to say it.

She replayed the phone call in her mind for the umpteenth time.

"I thought you might call back. Abby said you wanted to tell me something," she said lightly.

"Oh. Right."

"What did you want to tell me, Tony?"

"Nothing really important. You just said that I had to run any bachelor party ideas past you. I didn't realize you were busy." He was being very evasive, no question about it.

"What is this idea?" She figured if she didn't outright ask, he'd never say.

"It's nothing-"

"You run it by me or you don't run it at all. Those were the conditions."

"Alright. I was thinking I could rent out a laser tag place for a night and we'd all get drunk and then try to shoot each other in the dark."

"Not too drunk."

"Don't worry, it would be well before the wedding. Don't need your groom stumbling in with a hangover and bad case of projectile vomitting."

"I do not want him stumbling in like that anytime," she said, horrified at the thought.

"Okay, okay, I'll keep Mr. Groom on a tight leash."

So, no, while he didn't outright say it and it probably wasn't even what he meant, Tony had implied that Ray needed to be kept on a leash, like he'd run off again.

And then Ziva hated herself for adding that 'again,' because she didn't want to acknowledge that there had been other times.

Why couldn't Ray just be a normal guy?

Why did her perfect man have to come with all the baggage of being a busy CIA agent with the habit of losing track of time and targets?

Why did he have to go and shoot an innocent woman? What was he thinking, following that Norton guy on American soil?

Why couldn't he have just made everything better on his own, without her having to nudge him along?

Ziva kicked the pebble as hard as she could, and it sailed down the sidewalk.

Why couldn't he have been more comforting to her? She always felt like she was the one comforting him, assuring him that things would work out, but she hardly got the same from him. Only when he proposed, really.

Did he only propose to keep her around? Did he see in her eyes the desire to run away from his mess?

Ziva caught up with the pebble again. She went to kick it once more but instead stooped to pick it up. She rolled it between her fingers.

Why couldn't Ray be a rock? He was supposed to be her rock, but he wasn't. He was always off somewhere else when she needed him. Off at work, off overseas, off who knows where.

Why couldn't he be more like Tony?

The second that thought processed, Ziva panicked.

What was she doing, comparing Ray to Tony?

They weren't the same people, had totally different roles in her life, and she was trying to compare them. It was like asking her toaster to be more like her microwave.

What was wrong with her?

She sat down on the curb and stared at the pebble still in her hand.

Another troubling realization came to her: was she getting cold feet about the wedding?

Ziva definitely didn't peg herself as the freaking out type, but she coudn't deny the feeling of panic deep in her chest.

Don't you dare wimp out, she told herself. That would be the weak thing to do, and Ziva was not weak.

Okay. She was excited about marrying Ray. She really was. He was a great guy. Sure, he had his flaws, but so did everyone else. He was the best man she was ever going to find, so there was no reason to back away. She really did love him, regardless of all the hurt he'd caused her.

And maybe he was gone a lot, and sometimes a little careless, but he always came back eventually, and he always tried to make it up to her.

Maybe he wasn't a rock, exactly, but he could be her pebble.

*****

Much shorter, but I wasn't intending to update today, just got bored in the car. And I also didn't really want to put in another scene with this one. I thought it would be best as is.

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