i hate you » carl gallagher

sixteen - bullshit

💔💔💔: why is my name three broken hearts on your phone?!?

I peered over at Carl and noticed he was staring directly at my phone.

Babygirl😩❤️: because you broke my heart

💔💔💔: i didn't mean to!

💔💔💔: if you would let me explain you would understand!!!

Babygirl😩❤️: i don't think i would understand because i've never cheated on anyone! especially someone i love as much as i love you

💔💔💔: please let me explain

Babygirl😩❤️: fine but not over text

💔💔💔: place and time???

Babygirl😩❤️: the swings at lunch

💔💔💔: i'll be there

Babygirl😩❤️: whatever just do your work

💔💔💔: awwww

Babygirl😩❤️: what

💔💔💔: you still care about me

Babygirl😩❤️: just because you hurt me doesn't mean i stopped caring for and loving you

💔💔💔: awww babyyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️❤️

💔💔💔: i love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️
read 8:44 am

I shut my phone off and stuck it back in my pocket.

"Hey," Carl whisper yelled to get my attention. I turned around and gave him an irritated look.

"What now," I whispered back.

"I love you," he whispered a little louder. "Okay?"

"Okay," I said. He gave me sad puppy dog eyes, making me roll mine and I finally gave in. "I love you too." A proud smile appeared on his face and he went back to his work.

•••

When the lunch bell rang, I took my time getting my afternoon books and heading outside to the swings. Once, I got out there, Carl was already sitting on a swing waiting for me.

He stood right up once he saw me. He held his arms out for a hug, but I brushed beside him and sat down in the swing I always sit on. He followed my lead, sitting down on the swing next to me.

"Where's Nick," I asked him, trying to break the awkward silence.

"He's taking care of business for me," he told me. I nodded my head, looking to the ground.

"So, you wanted to explain yourself," I stated. "Go ahead."

"Um, I don't exactly know where to start," he scratched the back of his neck.

"Try from the beginning," I suggested, no emotion in my voice.

"Uh, so after I left you and Travis alone, I went to the kitchen to get a beer. Then, Dom showed up and she told me all of these things about you. I-I don't know if they were true but when she kissed me, her words really started to get to me. But I promise you, El, my intention was never to hurt you," he explained. Making me feel even worse than I already was.

"What did she say about me," I asked him.

"She just said a whole bunch of stupid stuff, El. It doesn't matter no-" I cut him off, beginning to grow angry.

"What did she say about me, Carl," I raised my voice.

"She said that you used to have a thing for Travis, but it was just a 'phase'," he made air quotations as he said the word 'phase'. "She said you would talk about him all the time and you eventually got over him. She said that you did the same to me. You liked me before I went off to juvie, but eventually got over me. Like I was just a phase. She said that I deserve someone who truly cares about me. When I asked her who... that's when she kissed me." I felt a single tear fall on my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

"And you believe everything she said," I asked him.

"It all made sense to me. Why you would push me away and play hard to get. Why you replaced me with Tucker and pretended to date Travis. It just made so much sense," he answered.

"None of that is true," I stated.

"I know. I know that now. There's was a small part of me that was telling me that it was all a lie but-"

"But you believed her anyway. You kissed her anyway," I answered for him. "Because she's so much prettier than me and she has a nicer body than I do and she can make you feel better about yourself, right?" By this time I wasn't sitting any longer. I was standing right it front of Carl, fighting back tears.

"What," he asked. "What are you talking about? That's bullshit."

"Is it really," I sarcastically asked. "You were hitting on her from the beginning. Tell me how that's bullshit, Carl."

"It's bullshit because you are so much better than her in every way. She can't even compare to you, Noel. You are intelligent, hilarious, and downright beautiful. You're beautiful in every way possible. There's no one on this earth more beautiful or better than you are. No one. And even if there was, I would still only love you because you're Noel. You're my bestfriend since I was still in diapers. Noel, I love you more than anything and anyone in this whole world and nothing can or could ever change that."

I'm not even fighting back tears anymore. I can't help it. His words made me feel special and so much better about myself. But, I still don't understand one thing.

"Then, why would you believe her," I asked, wiping a few tears away.

"Because I thought it all made sense. In my head, you're way too good for me and I don't deserve you at all. I don't even know why you love me as much as you do."

"Carl, I've loved you since before I even knew what love is and before we ever kissed. Ever. But, you were always so blind. You never saw that. You never knew why I was so upset when you said that you were in love with Bonnie or when you made out with Holly. It was always because I love you."

"Noel..."

-

a/n: uh oh cliff hanger 😝😝
btw im still working on chapter 18 and im soooo stuck. im having such writers block.