guarding the heart

chapter 26: Reconcile

"Go away, Finn. I'm not done being selfish and overdramatic yet." She grabbed Kurt's extra throw pillow and hugged it to herself tightly to feel more secure.

"Rach, c'mon. I was mad and-" The petite brunette could hear a breath of exasperation escape and a sound like his hand hitting his leg, probably after running it through his hair. "I'm sorry, Rach. Honest, I am. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. We were arguing and I got carried away in the heat of it all and-"

"How could you hide all of that from me?" She interrupted him through the door, controlling her voice though so that it didn't come across as harshly. "I thought I was your best friend; your confidante. Now I find out you were afraid to tell me what happened, especially when it was so horrible for you?" She could feel tears collecting at the corners of her eyes again and cursed herself. Couldn't she just stop the damn crying already? "I thought you loved me."

"I do, Rach. I swear. More than anything." He sighed again and she heard a sound as though his head came into contact with the door. "I'd do anything for you, Rach. But that...that also means trying to protect you from the bad stuff. And this...this was the worst I've ever gone through. I didn't want to burden you and-"

"But I need you to do that, Finn." She cried out, more frustrated than angry. "I need you to trust me and let me carry the burdens withyou. How can I help you or be with you if you keep it all inside?I mean, what's next, Finn? What else aren't you telling me? How mucharen't you telling me? How can I know you love and trust me enough for us to last if you hide all the important things?"

There was silence on his side of Kurt's door, and when she didn't receive an answer for over twenty seconds, she rolled her eyes and dropped her head back down onto Kurt's bed, hugging the pillow even tighter. Of course Finn wouldn't try to prove his love or trust. Of course he wouldn't fight her on this. Of all the times when she wanted him to stay there and convince her of how deeply his emotions ran, and that she was the only one for him, he went silent. It was so typical of Finn Hudson; when you can't defeat the problem, you ignore it, as though ignoring it would make it all go away. She was so tired of him constantly avoiding the issues. It's what got them into this whole mess to begin with. If he just faced things head on, like he had with Bronson, everything would be resolved much more quickly and with far less fall-out.

A sudden, strange crackling sound along the carpet caught her attention. Rachel frowned slightly as she turned to the door to determine what had caused it.

There, sitting on the floor about four or so inches from where it had been pushed underneath, was a red envelope.

As she examined it more closely, she noticed it was actually a mostly red envelope. The paper had somehow been soaked in a liquid dye before being given to her. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she stepped off the bed and carefully picked it up off the floor. She turned it over in her hands and her breath hitched in her throat.

On the front, written clearly in Finn's handwriting, was her name and address.

It's a letter...addressed to me? What is he-

"I...I wrote it the night before we were deployed, and it was in my inside pocket when I...when I...uh...well… when I was shot."

Rachel froze in alarm as his words echoed in her ears, staring at the envelope in her hand. It was obvious now after his brief explanation why it was stained red.

This letter, her letter, was soaked in his blood.

She swallowed as the implications of it all swirled in her mind. Finn had written this and had it on him when facing down his assailant, and the meaning was quite clear; even in that moment of life and death, she was never far from his mind. No matter what he went through this summer, through training and making new friends and performing his duties and even while deployed into the middle of a natural disaster, she was always in the forefront of his thoughts.