Lams- I Can't Lose You

Remember

My eyes open to darkness. The television is off, Herc and Lafayette are still asleep on the couch, and for some reason there were sheets covering the windows.

I try and sit up, but I'm so tangled in the blanket they gave me that I fall off to couch onto my face. Great way to start the morning, John.

I groan as I stand up, careful not to wake up either of my friends. I look at the blanket they gave me-Hey wait a moment! This is my blanket! Hercules took this from me months ago! How dare he?

Whatever. I gather the blanket in my arms, taking back what is rightfully mine, and walk out the door back to my room. Hopefully my roommate is there. I want to finally meet him. He should be here by now.

I open the door to my dorm, expecting someone to be there, but no one is. His things are there, but not the elusive roommate himself.

I lay my blanket on the end of the couch. I want to know a little about this guy before I meet him, if I have the chance.

I enter the shared bedroom. His laptop and a ton of notebooks are piled on his nightstand. His bed is nicely made. He put a few things on the shelves I saved for him, but not a lot.

An empty coffee cup.

Two law books.

A tiny dragon statuette.

A framed painting that I swear I've seen before.

Other than that, just some random scraps of paper and some trinkets.

A suitcase full of what I assume to be clothes is tucked under his bed, along with a shoebox. I inspect closer, and see that the lid is slightly ajar. All I can see is that it's full of polaroid pictures.

Polaroids.

"C'mon, John! Let me take a picture of you! Please?"

"Fine. Whatever." I say. We're standing amongst some trees. We're in a park. Children can be heard screaming and laughing somewhere out of view. Alex positions me next to a cherry blossom tree.

"Smile!"

Snap!

The picture comes rolling out. He takes it and shakes it a little before ushering me over to see it.

I blinked.

"Oh no. No, no, no, give that to me, I look like I'm on drugs or something! Alex!"

He's giggling and holding the picture above my head. I've almost got it, but then he climbs a tree, and now he's ten feet taller than me.

"If you tag me within five minutes, you get to keep the picture. If not, it's mine to cherish forever."

"You're on."

I'm suddenly whisked back to reality. I fall to the floor and hurriedly scoot away from the box. Not another flashback. This was the second since I've gotten to this college. Something is wrong. No one has flashbacks this often, if at all.

I scramble onto my bed, eager to get as far from his side as possible. My eyes betrayed me and wandered back over there. They fall on a small thing lying under his pillow.

Don't go look at that, John. It's private. If he didn't care he wouldn't have hidden it under the pillow.

But something really bugged me about it. Not the fact that it was hidden, no, that was fine. I have a framed picture of Herc, Alex, and I stuck in the bottom of my suitcase.

No, what bugged me was that it was so familiar.

I could not take it anymore. I slowly tiptoed over to his bed. I lifted the pillow, expecting something else than what I found.

A small, dirty, stuffed turtle.

Why did this bother me? I don't know. I'm about to put the pillow back and it hits me.

My vision goes dark, and suddenly I'm back there.

I try, and fail, to stop the oncoming flashback. These were getting worse and worse. I-

I'm back there. Brilliant lights flash all around me and Alex. He was taking me to the fair. The fair. I remember the fair.

It's night, about 9 o'clock. Flashing coloured lights, and loud sounds of carnival games, and people laughing and talking. Everybody is so happy. I am so happy. I look back to what I'm doing.

A simple game. A simple game that has taken me 45 minutes to finally beat. I jump as the operator hands me the prize. A first-level prize, as I hadn't gotten any others to trade for a bigger prize.

The small stuffed turtle is small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. It's so tiny, and so adorable.

"Alex! I won!"

"Good job, John! It only took you 17 hours to do it!" He replied sarcastically. I shoved him lightly.

"Here, Alex. This is for you." I said, holding the turtle out for him to take.

"But you just spent forever trying to get it?"

"But I want you to have it."

I shout and hold my head. Why is this happening so often? I need to see a therapist or something, this is getting out of hand. Oh, wait, I'm a poor college student and can't afford it. Great.

These flashbacks take more and more energy out of me everytime. Maybe it's the emotional drain from seeing Alex so happy again.

But that still doesn't explain the turtle. The polaroids, I understand. Lots of people take pictures, but that turtle was too specific.

Alex goes to this school.

It could have been a coincidence.

He might be nearby

He wouldn't want to see me. I try and wipe the thought from my head.

He could still care about you

He forgot about me. Tears are slipping now.

He might miss you.

He hates me.

Whatever. I need coffee. Now. I'm to tired to deal with this now.

Everything blurs as I reach the coffee shop. Nothing else matters at the moment. Apparently, lost of other people felt the same way because the line was out the door.

I looked to my right. On the opposite corner, across the street, was a different coffee shop. It still had people, but was way less busy.

I weigh my options. By the time I get there, the already short line has shortened quite a bit. I'm preoccupied by the fact that they also sell donuts. So many donuts. Now I'm glad I came over here instead.

I'm suddenly ripped from admiring the pastries.

"...John?"

I whip my head up.

My world comes crashing down.

"A-Alex?"