Shadows and Lights

Chapter 29

"I don't want to play anymore." Daiki says suddenly, looking at the scoreboard with disinterest. "They aren't good enough to be my opponents." 

"Daiki." I hiss furiously. "You don't just say that about other people! That's rude." Blue eyes glare daggers at me, but I meet them evenly. 

"They won't even be enough to challenge you, idiot. Look at them. There's no way for you to build them up again." He points at the other team. 

Why is it always me that has to witness the destruction of hopes and dreams? I get that the score is horrible to play against, but... it kills me inside to watch them stand tall only to fall, never to get up. My chest feels empty and dark. "Hai-chan, we're putting you in this quarter." I barely manage to acknowledge Satsuki's command. 

"Daiki..." I say when I glance back at him. "Don't say something like that around me again. I won't forgive you." I can hear Satsuki telling him off, and Imayoshi is trying to tell me something, but I'm practically dead to anything outside myself. My chest is heaving with effort and anger. 

"Heights!" I'm shocked into awareness as Imayoshi drops his hand on my head. "Let them get a few. Got it?" I glance up at him angrily.

"I know how to do this better than you do. I'll have them fixed by the end of the quarter." I reply as I knock his hand from the top of my head. For the first two minutes, I do nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving and it looks like I'm putting in some sort of effort, but in all honesty, I'm just following the ball. My heart is sinking. 

We do let them shoot. They get fifteen points consecutively until Satsuki barks out another order. "Hai-chan! Time to get to work." I raise an eyebrow at the order. Don't we usually wait a bit longer? The second half is when we damage them most. I sigh, push my bangs to the side, and draw in a deep breath. "What's she doing?" 

The tall boy beside Susa looks a little too interested in my movements, and it sets me on edge. I'll just avoid him, work on moving past his teammates. I disappear from view, sprinting down the court toward the opposite hoop and waiting for my teammates to catch up. It's more fun when everyone's involved, and not just myself. We take back the lost points easily. 

"I bet you can't beat Aomine's record." My eyebrow raises in what I hope shows my vast and uncontainable irritation. 

"Why does it matter?" I reply angrily. It's hard to resist the Zone as it tries to wash over me. My mind is clearing and my observation is going into overdrive. I can't not focus, and I can't relax anymore. Not like this. My chest is beginning to feel dark and brooding. I must be crazy- I'm the only person I know who'd ever fight the Zone. 

It's embarrassing, though. Daiki can always tell what goes on in the Zone, especially since he can force his way in, but it doesn't work like that for me. My body trembles with the urge to play until I break. My Zone is too dangerous to use. My sense of self flies out the window, chased by any sense of self-preservation. I can only hold it off, just barely, and someone as dense as the bluenette is the only one who can tell. 

Daiki whispers something to Satsuki, who starts arguing with him. I can't pay them any attention. I'm trying to build these guys up, but every fiber in my body is screaming a resounding "no." I won't last long like this. I hate the Zone, I hate this game, and right now, I really hate Imayoshi. 

The emotions that plague me are fading. My eyes are tracking movements I no longer care to see. My breathing evens, my body stands erect and ready, and my skin hungers for the feel of the ball. All is replaced by a sense of calm urgency, an all-consuming desire to crush the boys before me. Consequences? Who cares about things like that? The end justifies the means, right?