Shadows and Lights

Chapter 7

A gentle reminder that PG-13 does encompass hints at sex and swearing. The latter is relevant to this chapter.

Momoi's words bounce around in my head for the better part of a minute as my chopsticks snap within my grasp. I drop my phone subconsciously and start swearing loudly in English, over and over until I'm yelling at the top of my lungs. "Oi, oi!" Daiki says, picking up my phone and trying to talk with a barely coherent Momoi. "What did you tell her, Satsuki?"

Her voice prattles off the phrase once again as I storm through the apartment, trying to vent without resorting to violence. My anger knows no bounds. The look in Daiki's eyes tells me that he also doesn't understand the meaning of my brother's words, but he still looks as pissed as I feel. He hangs up while I accidentally flip over the coffee table in the living room. "Calm down, you idiot! You're going to break something!" He says vehemently, looking torn.

"I'll calm down when I'm dead!" I hiss, pinning the tan player with a furious glare. "That brat! That brat and his sister and his mother and father!" I let out a yell of fury and go back to pacing, grinding out profanities once again.

"What did he tell you?" I let my gaze rake over Daiki furiously before my lip curls in cruel amusement.

"Like it really matters. I'll set him straight. I'll set all of them straight!" Really, I shouldn't be this angry, but I can't help it. What does a middle school student think he can do to keep me out of the country? What does he think he can do to keep me here? "Who do they think they are, giving Momoi messages? If they want to talk, they should say it to my face!" Shouldn't I be sad? Surprised? Hurt. Angry. Frustrated. Annoyed. Irritated. Wounded.

"Alex, what did he say?" Daiki says. His voice is somehow lower than before, softer and gentler. His gaze is darker too, but instead of stone, it reminds me of a never-ending ocean. I blow my bangs out from over my eyes.

"It's fine." I mutter angrily. "It's fine. I'll calm down in a little bit." My pacing slows slightly. He's kidding. That brat always liked to rile me up. It's not like he can actually do anything...I take a deep breath and sigh steadily.

"Look, you idiot, it's not good to bottle things up like that! Just tell me already!" Daiki replies, his face burning slightly. I blink in surprise.

"It's fi-"

"Like hell it is!"

"D-Daiki?" His eyes are dark, his expression grim. Is he grinding his teeth?

"It's really not fair..." Daiki's dark eyes rake over me passionately. "It's not fair that everybody's life sucks. It's not fair that my parents fight, and that your family corners you here. That I get kicked out, and that you can't get back home when you want to. I don't even do anything, and your family doesn't talk to you! So of course it matters!

"I'm sick of just watching you bite your tongue over and over and over again! How you swallow all this crap they send your way and you won't talk to anyone about it! Jesus, Alex, what's wrong with you?" Daiki's outburst surprises me, and for a moment, I almost feel scared. My body stiffens and freezes. "You just keep on taking all this stuff and you won't talk and you won't even fight back! How much do you think you can take?"

I open my mouth to say something, to say anything at all, but nothing comes out except for an unusually strangled noise. I bite my tongue and look down, unsure of what to do. I want to apologize, but I also want to yell. I want to stay, and I want to run. What do I do?

My chest constricts painfully before my mouth makes my decision for me. "What does it matter what I do, Daiki? What does it matter if I fight it or if I take it? It's all the same either way! It won't stop no matter what I do! I can't run away from it, and you can't get into a fistfight with a string of words, so what the hell am I supposed to do?" I reply sharply, trying to subdue my glaring. "Nobody asks for stuff like this!"