Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 13: Starting Their New Life

Over the many years there have been numerous Dauntless Initiates that have already been parents to young children. During initiation, daycare is provided during times that training occurs, while during free time the initiate is expected to care for their own child. I just need to make it through initiation and then we can start our new life there.

I smile as I think about my baby. I never knew I could love someone so much. She is the most precious thing I have ever known, and she looks so much like Mother and I. She is named after our Mother, but we have started calling her Natty. It warms my heart every time I look at her. It has been wonderful getting to spend time with her, and bond. Ruby and Daniel have always welcomed me into their home at any hour to spend time with her. Ruby laughed and said that she is amazed I am able to function with how little sleep I get.

I have trained my body to push through. I needed to be able to spend nights with my child, I want her to feel safe with me. I know that saying goodbye to Ruby will be especially hard for the baby. And their small apartment in Factionless is the only home she has ever known. Once initiation is over, I plan to visit Ruby and Daniel with the baby. I will always have a special place for them in my heart.

Not to mention they are having a baby of their own now; Ruby is almost seven months pregnant herself. That will also help to convince Dauntless to allow Natty to stay, Ruby will be sure to tell them she has her own baby on the way to worry about.

I close my eyes and picture Natty's face, her nose, her mouth...his eyes. I sigh, thinking of her stunning eyes. When I look at them I see Tobias. I can't bring myself to acknowledge they came from Marcus, of course.

Marcus.

I think about the promise I made to Mother as she was dying painfully, finally his horrific abuse had gotten the better of her. My mother's final plea...

"Beatrice," she gasps. "Keep the baby away from Marcus, whatever you do. You must go to Dauntless. And you must keep the baby safe."

I breathe in and out to steady myself. I know what I must do to protect this child.

She is my daughter now. I will never tell anyone the truth, no one.

Not even Tobias.

Especially not Tobias.

I couldn't find him at Visiting Day last year, I'm not even sure if I will see him again now. It doesn't really matter at this point. I have been through so much pain and grief since the last time I saw him, aside from remembering the hurt and betrayal...my heart is cold when it comes to him. I still keep the heart necklace he gave to me hidden in the small clutch along with only photo I have of my family. I asked Ruby to place the clutch in the baby's things so that I would get it back. That heart necklace is a painful reminder that no one can be counted on, and no one can be trusted.

I don't care that she is his blood as much as she is mine. It was my mother that died while giving birth to her, it was my mother that endured terrible abuse from a man that was outraged that his son escaped him, it was my mother whose husband altered her birth control pills in order to force a pregnancy.

After mother finally explained in full detail about conception and birth control, I remembered the day I saw Marcus tampering with her pills in the pink shell case. I told Mother the truth and she just pursed her lips and nodded. I apologized for not mentioning it to her, but she assured me that it didn't matter. Her knowing would not have changed things. She would not have been able to refuse intimacy with Marcus even if she had known. I still remember the disgusted look on her face. I felt sick myself, it was not an image I wanted to think about. Then mother smiled at me as she rubbed her swollen stomach, she told me as terrible as the situation was that she was so thrilled to be having another baby. I smiled too. I knew she meant it.