Begin Again ✔

fifteen

"Hey, Connor," she greets him, reciprocating the gesture by sinking into the hug. "I was going to get some dinner, do you want to join me?" she asks him, forcing a smile on her face. 

"Oh god, yes," he sighs. "I'm in the mood for some Chinese."

"Chinese, it is."

They drive to the nearby restaurant which is only a few minutes away from where he lives. She watches him drive - she's always loved watching him drive; there was something so strange and intimate about the way silence consumed them. Silence always seemed to connect them in a way that words couldn't.

Waves of nostalgia flush through her body as he watches her, reminding her of the way the warmth of his skin traveled into hers when he held her hand. The way her stomach tightened when he drew closer to her to tuck a strand of her behind her ear. The way her heart fluttered when the ghost of his lips touched hers to kiss her faintly. The way his voice coiled up her insides when he told her that he loved her. 

She still loved him, aside from the fact that the rage of being cheated on still boiled her up but it wasn't like she cared. It was simply easy to forget about the horrible part of their relationship because all she could focus on was the good things. He was the one who helped her cope up when her dad died. He was the one who taught her how to drive. He was the one who kissed her for the first time and made her feel special. He was the one who taught her what it feels like to love someone.

She was grateful. And, all the other things didn't matter.

He sits in front of her with two chopsticks dipped into his noodle soup. His hair is neatly combed, with a tinge of gel stinging on his roots giving him a slicked-back look. He is the kind of effortless handsome that does not go unnoticed but he's sitting in front of her, his blue eyes shining in the golden lights above. It was evident he putt quite an effort on his looks but Lea cannot help but stare at the tote bag that sits beside her.

"Why aren't you eating, Lea? I thought you were hungry," he breaks their silence, his eyes oscillating between her eyes and her bag.

"W-What?" Lea stammers. "Just lost in thoughts. I'm sorry," she says and stuffs the oyster-sauce coated chicken into her mouth. "Hmm," she moans. "This is really good."

"It really is," he smirks. He watches her devour her food, a hint of smile stinging on his lips. "Lea, I was thinking about something," he says and places his hand on hers. "I miss you."

"Me too-"

"I haven't finished," he cuts her off instantly that forces her eyes to widen. Followed by her nod, he continues, "I was an ass, Lea, I don't even bother denying it. I should have treated you the way you deserve to be treated but the thing is, I didn't know what you meant to me back then. Now, that you aren't mine, I realize what I'm missing."

"I'm not anybody's, Connor."

"Yeah, I know," he frowns in embarrassment. "That's why I'm telling you. I want things to be the same again as it was before."

His eyes are flooded with sorrow and regret - he was right when he told her that she was the only one who could see him throughout. She pulls her hand from his hold and watches a hint of color paint his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Connor. I can't," she shakes her head.

"Why? You told me you loved me back then. How hard is it getting back together?"

"It's not that simple," she fights back. He stares at her hopelessly, waiting for her to give the answer that he craves but his blue eyes grow dark as he realizes that she would never give him the answer that he wants. "You can't just come back all of a sudden and wish for things to be the same. That's not fair. And, besides I like someone else," she blurts, her voice growing soft. "I don't even mind telling that to you, Connor."

His face glows with shock.

"I-I have to go. I'll see you around," she says, slapping a money bill on the table, paying for her food. "Thanks for dinner."

She forces her out of the door, slinging her bag over her shoulder. The cold winds pierce into her skin as she steps outside and she pulls her coat closer to walk to the nearby train station, succumbed in the isolation of her thoughts. He offered to drive her home, but she knew that would only make things worse.

It was unfair. It was unfair that Connor chose to use her, completely knowing the way she felt about him. But, for some reason, his blue eyes didn't make her heart stammer against her chest as they did before. His faint touch on her skin didn't produce knots in her belly as it did before. He didn't affect her anymore.

All that could affect her right now was the buzzing sound of a notification that vibrated in her bag.

And, it does.

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A/N:  Who's excited for the next chapter? I am. Thanks for reading.

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