Engineering Moon and the Crazy Doctor [Completed]

19. World at my feet

(Forth)

Never in my life I have been this bold before. I'm actually not the type of person who will be on the center stage, singing a song and admitting his feelings for that special someone in front of a vast crowd. When the staff told me that they want me to have an intermission number before the announcement of the winners, I was uncertain about it. Yes, I have performed before, yet it still feels strange for me to be on the focus of everyone.

However, I decided to do it when Beam has totally changed his behavior toward me after that day at the beach.

At first, I really couldn't understand his sudden change. He hadn't come at the practice hall with Pha. He hadn't also answered all my texts and calls, and he would quickly be gone the moment I arrived at a place where he was at, too. I know he has been acting strange since before the time at the beach. But, he's acting stranger, I no longer know what to do with him. I feel like we're the characters of Tom and Jerry, wherein I am Tom who always chases after the running Jerry-Beam...

...until I realize his reason when Pha confronted me about who do I really want: Yo or his best friend?

Pha might seem to be disinterested with his surrounding, but he's actually perceptive. Just like the others, he thought I liked Yo more than just a junior because of the care I was showing toward him, yet there was this weird thing going on between me and his best friend. Pha's aware of the odd treatment his best friend's giving me, so he wanted to know to whom I am serious with and to whom I am just messing around with.

The answer is too obvious. I like his best friend.

However, it doesn't mean I am just messing with Yo. I am really caring for him as his senior only. I thought of him as my younger brother who needs to be protected because of his frailty. That's only it.

How many times do I have to explain myself? I'm getting tired of this. I want to shout to everyone who I truly want to my life so these assumptions they all have about Yo and I will be dropped.

Once I told it to Pha, he remained silent while giving me an scrutinizing look. I am not stupid to not notice that he's into Yo (with his eyes always seeking Yo. . .it's not that hard to conclude his feelings) that's why he's asking me. But, he might have felt relieve by the fact that I wasn't his competitor, he's also concerned about his best friend's status. I found out that Beam wasn't only peculiar around me, but also around his friends. There was even a time he asked Pha about kissing a guy. . .

And now, it makes sense to me why he's acting like that.

He remembers that night. . . he is aware of the kisses we shared during that time!

I don't know if I would be shouting of joy or be alarmed because he remembers?

He could feign an oblivion regarding that matter and act normal. I wouldn't even mind it for I already anticipated that he would forget that night. Yet, he chose an apparent way of dealing with it. He ignores and hides from me. So, does it mean he's minding that event, and he's already baffling by me just like he's always confusing my heart? I don't want to assume, but I'll be extracting for the truths, because I don't think I could live peacefully without his concrete answer. And whatever his answer might be, I will do everything to change it.

Therefore, when I choose to sing the song Jai Sung Mah by Loso, I have made some modifications with the lyrics at the end. I want Beam to know that though he might not have feelings for me right now, I'll do everything to get his heart. Knowing Beam, the road might be tough and hard. However, we were taught to be persistent. I will never give up on him again without trying my best. . .