The City | GirlxGirl

thirty five ➳

"This was next to him when he, well, you know," she continued, and by the sound of her voice, it seemed that she was barely keeping herself together. "I don't know what's in it. I haven't opened it. I'm guessing it's all about you, as you two were together for so long. I think you should have it, Jude."

Jude couldn't find the words to express how much she didn't want the book. But before she could say anything, it was in her hands, and Ruth was stalking away to take a seat with her family.

Just when the service was about to start, and when Jude was about to return to Skylar, the door to the nave opened once again, and a man entered. A man that Jude, and of course Skylar, knew.

Mack Nolan, looking healthier and heftier than last time he had seen Jude, dressed from head to toe in a black suit, with a look of great remorse set on his face.

"Mack?" Jude whispered, hurrying to greet him. "What are you doing here? It's about to start-"

"Skylar invited me," he whispered back, not waiting for Jude to begin walking down the aisle and into the pew where Skylar was waiting. "She said it would be nice if you had her entire support, and as her brother, I'm a part of that." He flashed her an apologetic smile. "I truly am sorry for your loss, Jude."

She was in the middle. To be angry that Skylar invited Mack to a funeral for a man she didn't even know, or to be happy that he was here? Jude decided, as she sat in between the two, and the minister began the service, that it was comforting to be surrounded by the Nolans. By her family.

The podium towered over Ruth as she replaced the conductor, and opened a folded piece of paper in front of her. The entire room was silent, and every crunch of the paper was heard, as Ruth struggled through shaking hands to smooth it out before her eyes. Then, looking to her left, she stared hard at the casket holding her first son's body, and she broke out into tears. Her sobs echoed off the walls, decorated with stained glass windows that were so beautiful they stood out even more brightly amidst a room full of mourning people. Jude took a look at the casket then, for the first time, as she had been avoiding it at all costs.

The wood was painted a smooth black, and it was decorated with emerald designs. Jude imagined the smell of the fresh wood and paint, replacing what used to be Thom's smell of leather and Irish Spring soap and safety.

Jude felt her hand reach out, gripping the seat in front of her, as if she was afraid she was about to fall over. Worse than that, when Ruth began speaking, she felt like she was just going to collapse.

"Thom was my baby. He hated me saying that, but it's true," she shrugged, and smiled through her tears. "He was my first born. He grew up so fast, into this tall, strong man, who was mature, and kept his siblings in line." Ruth smiled down at her family, but not one of her other children returned the gesture.

She went on reminiscing about the time he learned to ride a bike, and then she blinked, and he was driving her car around the small town. It was all the stereotypical memories that Jude expected to be shared at a funeral, and she was surprised by the lack of originality, and how she never spoke about how closed off he was, how dark and brooding. Jude assumed it was because Ruth didn't want her son to be remembered as a man who tied locks around himself and refused to give anyone the key. Maybe she was having the same thoughts as Jude, that Thom wasn't really like that, but was being overtaken by a dark depression.

Still speaking, Ruth's high voice was turning thick with tears. "I'm his mother, you know. I'm supposed to protect him. I was supposed to protect him. And I failed to do so, in more ways than one."

Jude wondered what else Thom was supposed to have been protected from, and what was more important than saving him from death, but then Ruth began to conclude her eulogy and Jude tuned in again to her words.