The City | GirlxGirl

thirty five ➳

Skylar understood, but still felt a little pang in her chest. It was because this was a funeral for her ex-boyfriend, where her disapproving parents would be, and the last thing Jude needed was her girlfriend parading around, announcing her relation to Jude to everyone she passed. "Sure," she said, giving her a much smaller smile than the last. "I can do that."

-

Thom's funeral was held on the Monday two weeks from the day his body was found. This may not have been the day he died, but it's what his mother had told everyone who was invited. And whether no one had been able to attend, or Thom just didn't know many people, the large nave swallowed the tiny crowd. It took all of Jude's energy-which was very little, as she had slept a total of one hour and fifteen minutes the previous night-to force herself into the church. Skylar was right on her heels, her presence a reminder that Jude was not alone at her first ever funeral.

Jude recognized almost everyone. There was Thom's family, of course: his even-more-skinny-than-normal mousy mother; his buff father, who towered over everybody-even Skylar-and, like Thom, grunted in response to greetings from the grieving; his three sisters and five brothers, all younger than him, and Jude suddenly wished she could remember all of their names. Two sets of twins, and all were two years apart. Every single one of them resembled Thom's broodiness, his slouched shoulders, his black curls and his emerald eyes. She wondered briefly if one of their eyes was home to a blue fleck.

Then there were the cousins, the uncles, the aunts, all of whom Jude had met over the years but now their faces and names had slipped from her mind. Sad smiles were flashed at Jude and Skylar, and she knew that she wasn't the only one who had forgotten all of the people who were once connected to Thom.

And then, of course, there were her parents. Once Jude had caught their eye, they fought so hard to stay out of focus from her. Jude knew that if she wasn't careful, they would just assume that Skylar was her girlfriend. So, with immense guilt, she acted like she didn't know the girl who was walking so closely behind her, and sank into the pew in the fourth row from the front.

She kept her head down, her eyes on the floor, and refused to look at the casket. Thank god it was closed, as his mother had informed her when inviting her to the funeral. The service was already suffocating enough to make her want to storm out of the church and gasp for fresh air in an atmosphere where Thom still existed. If the casket was open, and Thom's cold, pale body was on display for her to see, she didn't think she would even make it outside.

"Are you okay?" Skylar whispered.

Jude ran her index finger underneath her nose, and was surprised to find herself crying already. Shaking her head, she stood, and said in a haste, "I have to go to the bathroom."

She immediately wished she hadn't. Almost everyone was seated now, except for Thom's mother, who was talking to one of the only guests Jude didn't recognize. He looked about her age, with his blonde hair buzzed down to the inch. And he wasn't wearing black, but instead a blue dress shirt with grey dress pants, and he was holding something in his hands. Jude slowed her walking, not wanting to intrude on the conversation between the two. She watched as the man gave Thom's mother what was in his hands, and then a soft touch on her shoulder.

A second after he ducked away and took a seat in the empty pew behind Skylar, Jude appeared in front of Thom's mother.

"Ruth, again, I'm so sorry for your loss," Jude said, shaking.

She nodded. "Thank you for coming, Jude. That man I was just talking to, his name is Nathan. He was Thom's neighbour." Her shoulders dropped, and she seemed to shrink a few feet. "He was the one who found him." Taking a step closer to Jude, she gestured to what was in her hands. Jude saw it was the notebook that she had been one page into reading before Thom found her. The one that was hidden underneath the bed, the one that was underneath that scratched out photo...