The Girl In The Night

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

So, I've spent four years away from home, in New York City. I have loved it, but in the last two years I have missed home more than ever. I've missed the ranch life; the outdoors and being one with nature. I've missed my parents, but mostly my dad. We've always been close. Once I started to get my life back together, I began to call them more regularly, but I haven't been back to visit. I've always used the excuse that I've got to study or I've been working so I haven't been able to leave. They still have no reason to think I'm lying to them, so they take me at my word.

I've got a few friends, but none that are incredibly close to me. I guess I still don't trust people enough to let them get that close. I always assume they have a hidden agenda or they don't really like me but they're too polite to tell me. I think Roxy is the closest person to me now and she has been pretty great really.

Things did change after the miscarriage. I still don't feel sad about it. I actually don't feel anything really. I guess I sort of numbed myself to the whole thing and I don't really spend time thinking about it. It definitely spurred me to make a change though. I've been more careful with my behavior and I've stopped drinking so much. I definitely cut out the drugs completely. It made getting through school difficult, but I learned to manage on a few hours sleep a night.

I threw myself into my work and I excelled at it. Men were asking for me all of the time and I got the best tips out of all the girls. Some were jealous, but it inspired some to become better. I'm not proud or boastful, but I will admit that I'm a darn good dancer and I sure know how to grab attention.

Of course, there were times when I thought of home and I was ashamed of what my family would think, but I knew I wouldn't be doing this forever. I knew that when I finished college, I'd go somewhere I could use my schooling and this would just be a distant memory. Sure, I have the skills and the body from this work, but I it's not in my plan to go back to it.

After stopping the drugs and destructive behavior, I took extra credits at school so I could graduate early. I literally had no life or time to do anything, but it stopped the craving for any illegal substances. I finished a month ago, almost a semester before the rest of my class. Before I can officially receive my certificate, I have to complete a year of 'on the job' experience now. Where better to do that than at my father's ranch? I know he'll give me an honest report and I know I'll do a good job there. I know that place like the back of my hand, so it seems like a perfect match. I've had them on my tail ever since I graduated, telling me there's no reason I can't come back home now. So I leave tomorrow for Tennessee. I finish my last night at work tonight and the girls all want to go out afterwards.

Chris doesn't come out with us and when I ask the girls about it, they tell me he's out with his new girlfriend. We've been friendly, but we haven't hung out properly in a while. I guess that's mostly my fault. I kind of threw myself into work and school so I had no time to even think about spending time with anyone else. At first, he used to come over and help me study, but when he realized just how much I was studying, he said he didn't want to distract me. I'm obviously not very good at keeping up friendships. I know it bothers him especially that I'm so closed off and untrusting.

So, that brings me to now. I'm sitting on the plane, waiting for the descent into Nashville International. I told my dad I was coming in today and despite my protests, he assured me he'd be there to pick me up. I freely admit, I am nervous about coming back. Four years is a long time to be gone, and while small town life doesn't really change, people do. I've spoken to Caleb some, but he was angry for a long time that I left without telling him. He didn't appreciate the note I left and it took him a long time to get over that.

I've never told him about the conversation I overheard between him and Nate. I never told him the real reason I left. I said it was to do with me and small town life killing my spirit. In a way, I guess that was true. I just didn't tell him why I felt that way. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I'm a stronger person and I don't need anyone to make it in this world. I've proven to myself that I can get along just fine without close friends and I'll continue to do the same.