Dear Evan Hansen Shit Posts and One Shots

Crystal Orbs pt Deux

     Evan fell to the ground as Jared dropped the three orbs. He looked up at the new spectres in the room with horror. There was a brunette man with long hair, a dirty blonde haired girl with indigo streaks in her hair. And a black haired girl who was darker in complexion compared to the other two spirits.

     The brunette looked around before his eyes landed on Evan, who was still sitting on the ground, and was still scared for his life. The brunette spirit turned to the other two spirits that he had appeared with, and started having a hushed conversation with the blonde.

     "Zoe, why are we here? Did you mess with something again?! How many times have I told you?! The observatory is for me to do my work and you can't touch anything!" The man scorned the blonde, who was now known as Zoe.

     Zoe looked to the man with an angry look in her eyes. "I didn't get us into this! Knowing you, you got some weird spell from the local loon and decided to cast it without knowing what it did!"

     The two continued to bicker when the blacked haired woman called out to them, "Oh please, you two are siblings, not an old married couple. Pardon my asking, your highnesses, but who might you two be?" The girl asked, while gesturing to Evan and Jared with her hands, before clasping them together and laying them in her lap.

     Jared was the first to speak, "The Incredibly charming Jared Kleinman, at your service m'lady," he stated with a bow for effect, "and this blubbering ball of fear is E..E..Evan H..Hansen." He mocked Evan's stutter.

     The long haired man's, who we now know is named Connor, eyes widened as he stood with his arms outstretched in front of the two women behind him. "Don't think I don't know who you are! You're an assassin who's been terrorising our kingdom!" He yelled angrily at Jared.

     Jared chuckled, "Well, why do you think you're here? You certainly aren't the most lively thing in the room. I did a good job didn't I?" He asked to no one in particular. "I mean, you must appreciate my handiwork! I barely left a mark! It helped with the tea as well, but arsenic can only take you so far, and that is such a boring way to kill someone. I thought to myself 'it would speed this up, and be much more enjoyable for me, if I were to stab them' and oh was I right about that!" Jared turned around with a huge grin on his face. "Of course, I was executed afterwards, but it was so worth it!" He finished with an exasperated wave of his hands.

     Evan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had accidentally summoned a dead assassin who summoned the people he killed. "Why did you kill them? What did they do that was so bad that you had to kill them?!" Evan yelled at Jared.

     "That is confidential information! Besides, it's not what they did per say. It's what their parents did, and what they left behind for their two, beloved children to fuck up the kingdom even more than before. I was doing the kingdom a favour by getting rid of the rulers who wouldn't help the kingdom!" Jared said to him, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

   Then Connor pounced on Jared, and the two started rolling on the ground while throwing punches at each other. "You can fight, for a sissy prince!" Jared taunted, which earned him a punch in the nose.

   Zoe watched as this unfolded, whereas the black haired girl couldn't find it in herself to care. Zoe turned to her "Alana! Don't just stand there! Do something! At least get ice for after their done fighting." Zoe ordered Alana.

     "Yes m'lady..." Alana said with a half assed curtsy, before walking over to the two fighting boys to try and pry them apart.

     It was at this moment, Evan realised this was going to be a very long day.

(Hey yall! So I wrote this at three in the morning and didn't feel like posting it until now! So I made this thing! I really liked the idea and decided to give a little more background to it and this is the product of that. I hope you enjoyed!

Sincerely, me)