Dead Flowers | H.S.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I spent the remaining months of summer dancing through the house, drinking bottles of white wine, painting the walls, repainting the red door, watering the plants, playing music, crying, laughing, reading, writing letters, then throwing them away.

I started working at Donna Sue's again shortly after the funeral, bumping hips with Renée and flirting with old men to get bigger tips. I worked early in the morning to late at night and settled every one of my paychecks straight into my new savings account that I had opened by myself in early October. When the nights were slow, I would cozy up in a booth with Renée and our other coworker, Allison. We would chat for hours and hours. They used to make me laugh so hard that I cried, but I never remembered the joke later on, no matter how hard I tried to recall them.

"And what about Loverboy?" Renée started inquisitively one late night in the back corner booth, sipping her vodka spiked coffee. "Why isn't he in here making goo-goo eyes?"

Allison giggled and bumped her elbow against me like we had been friends for years and that she had been there whenever Harry had come in. I liked Allie-that's what we called her, short and sweet like her-so I bumped her back and rested my head on her shoulder playfully like we used to do.

I wriggled my fingers in my hair and smiled, staring out the window into the night.

"Loverboy is waiting for me in an apartment that is too big without me," I started, measuring my words cautiously, "I'll find my way back to him soon."

"Did you two breakup?" Renée's teasing tone suddenly disappeared. She set her cup on the counter and reached out to touch my hand.

"Oh, baby," I said, "I broke up with myself."

Renée leaned over the table and kissed my cheek. Her lipstick left a berry colored stain. Allie hugged me into her side. She smelled like strawberries.

-

One rainy day in late October, I waltzed to a customer sitting in the furthest booth back and set coffee on the table before greeting them with a kind, warm voice.

"Miss me?"

I glanced up from my pad and saw Ryder sitting before me. He was bigger than I remembered. His head was shaved, his eyes were blue, his body was stiff like a board.

"Look what the cat dragged in," I smiled, not sure whether the warmth in my chest was anger or some sort of convoluted relief.

Ryder smiled almost shyly and leaned forward, grasping his hands together.

"How have you been?"

"Well. Cream or sugar?"

"Black. Anything happen while I was away?"

"Lots and lots."

We looked at each other for a long moment and I remembered why I used to love him whenever I saw the blue in his eyes. He was handsome. He'd always been so handsome. I let my eyes wander for a moment, heart steady and limbs loose. His hands reminded me of Harry and suddenly I was missing him instead of thinking about Ryder.

"Fattest burger you've got," Ryder said after a beat.

"Do you still get it with every condiment under the sun?"