Conquering your demons

"Did you just mom zoned me ? "

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"Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you "

Thank you so much @ShavonicaHopgood for supporting me.I have never met you but your gentleness has taken me  <3

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I was running along pastures ...running from somebody I don't reminisce but I do need to hide...which place is it? ... So the night still holds its terrors. A nice place to visit, but one wouldn't want to live here.

INNER VOICE: I am so done with your dreams...

I swirled around in confusion...I breathed in the misty air filled with cleanliness and dismaying fright infused in my veins .I reached the ultimate termination of hill where I almost sprawled in infinite depths but cold fingers clenched my fingers .I looked up at Antoine who held my hand tight and  was wearing a tuxedo and plain hair.

I was elated by seeing him as my existence was rested on his long fingers which captivated mine. He glimpsed at me but unexpectedly smile appeared on his lips while he let go my hand. My arms attempting to wrestle control from each other – and results in the sensation of seeing flashing lights and hearing loud bangs. His smile widened with my body drifting apart from him and falling towards the hollowness whereas I was grasping for stiffness to take a hold.

I woke up in reality and sat on my bed .I looked at my side and saw Antoine sleeping serenely as he really do look innocent and charming with eyes closed. He was shirtless with his abs half visible in bed-sheet but I was wearing my only decent black night gown.

INNER VOICE: He is way too much interested in changing your clothes.

I couldn't less agree with her but my mind tried to interpret my dreams where I distantly recall coldness plastered on his face and what does it mean???

Betrayal....my heart skipped a beat at that thought as I remembered dragon's warning.

INNER VOICE: Dragon is just messing with your head.

"Good Morning"

I watched back in surprise as his eyes were open and clearly staring me with broad smile.

INNER VOICE: forget your stupid dreams and remember last night!

OH NOOOO! How drunk was I as I evoke laughing, telling him about Henry even Stacey and Emily doesn't know properly about it and 'Come to mama' dialogue.

INNER VOICE: This shreds your left over self-respect.

Last I remember is him kissing me "hey" Only words that came out.

INNER VOICE: Leave it to your cheeks now..

I realized that I am blushing again.

Our eyes were locked for a second but he flinched away .."we will be late "He said by taking his jacket from my dresser

"Antoine.. I" said while he looked into my eyes.

"Yes "He said in high tone

"what is there between us ...is it just lust  what keeps you wanting to do it even when you have no desire to be with me or love what makes you want to be with me even when you have no desire to do it" I screeched

He stood motionless like a mannequin and this scared me now as I wonder if I offended him.

INNER VOICE: You just know him for three days and you are asking him this...BRAVO!!

"Love is a strange emotion. It is ever evolving. Lust is transient. With time, one realizes that love and togetherness are two different things. Very few people are lucky enough to experience the two emotions simultaneously "He said by giving me serious look

What is his answer? What does he mean??.

INNER VOICE: maybe he is confused!

Now I am mortified like one can never control who you fall in love with, even when you're in the most sad, confused time of your life. You don't fall in love with people because they're fun. It just happens.

"That's the pathetic thing about high school. Everyone tries so hard to be something they aren't. It's gotten so I don't know who I am, so how can I even try to be who I am, much less who I'm not? My problem is that I don't even fit in with the misfits. I don't fit anywhere....I thought life would be simple ,I will be smart in studies,meet a guy ,fall in love and live happily after but NOOOO .,life is a bitch and you will know your knight in shining armor is  a douche-bag wrapped in silver foil" I said by recalling immaturity of Drake.

"You are like my mother "He murmured while he gazed me with undimmed eyes on all darkness. He looked gloomy and moisture was evident on his eyes.

WAIT!

INNER VOICE: Did he just mom zone you??

"Did you just mom zone me??"I asked

"No you silly! People say she was sensitive "He replied to my senseless ridiculous question with a mixture of laughter and annoyance.

" 'People say' ?"I was inquisitive enough to know more about about him since he knows everything about me and I am totally clueless about him.

"Well she died in labor when she bore me "He eyes changed from sadness to anger "Apparently Witch told Mr Clermont who is my Father that the child of him and  innocent human will free vampire clan from superiority of higher powers so Mother loved him endlessly till her death .I don't know how she looked but Henna says that she was so beautiful that even no vampire woman had a slightest chance  in front of  her"

"Henna??"As I got confused with this character.

"Mother was first wife who didn't receive any respect because she was from this world and a human so year later after her death, My Father ..a king married a vampire...I think Bella was her name and she gave birth to my lovely sister Emmanuelle but Bella died five years later in labor and child died too but I took care of Emma from that moment and then Bernard married Henna whom he doesn't like but she is a sweetheart and she is a wife of him from 110 years .I remember being locked up in cellars with no blood for weeks for training my anger as once I executed Bernard guard for raping and skinning a human alive so anyways I learned control in thirst which my step brother Andres ..son of Henna didn't learn at all and he loved torturing me for it . He brought a girl of 10 whose blood was oozing out of her neck and forced me to drink as I didn't get food, water or blood from 4 weeks and I drank her blood...Yes I am a monster ...I can never forget how her mother cried when Andres threw her corpse"

I hugged him because I never knew that he was a victim of this anguish, pain and guilt .He hugged me back.

" look ..our souls may be consumed by shadows, but that doesn't mean we have to behave as monsters "I said by not leaving his arms.

He opened his palm and saw that the watch remained. Still there. Still real. With a howl of rage, he made it burst apart .He fell to his knees amid the wreckage and floating dust .Crumpling into himself, he released a choking sob, knowing that he, too, belonged to the ruin.

I bent on my knees as our faces came near and he pulled my head closer to him and kissed me on my lips. Our lips moved in unison .

I remembered Dad's words when I was 13 years old that "One day you will fall for a boy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns holes in your skin with his mouth. And it hurts when you look at him. And it hurts when you don't. And it feels like someone's cut you open with a jagged piece of glass.... And that my darling is when you will be in love".